


The Visitor from the Future- Novelisation

by nuttersincorporated



Category: Visiteur du Futur
Genre: Apocalypse, Gen, Time Patrol, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-26
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 22:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1527638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuttersincorporated/pseuds/nuttersincorporated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raph had an ordinary life until a mysterious visitor from the future started harassing him. If the visitor is telling then truth how will Raph cause the end of the world as we know it and can the future be saved?</p><p>This story is a novelisation of series one of ‘Le Visiteur du Futur’ (The Visitor from the Future) a Youtube sci-fi/ comedy show. You don’t need to have watched the show to understand this story but it’s worth checking out. This story looks at all the things you don’t see in the series like what Henry does in the future and how they found Raph in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I used one French word and one phrase, both of which I explain in the footnotes. If you're reading this and I you speak French, please feel free to tell me if I got them wrong.
> 
> I might continue this story at some point and make this a novelised, English version of the show but for now it’s just a one shot.

Henry glanced over worriedly at his ally. The man in question happened to be in an even worse shape than normal, due to barely surviving his latest close shave with an early death. Henry had done his best to patch him up but despite being a genius, he was a doctor of technology, not medicine. Besides, his small lab wasn’t exactly sterile and he simply didn’t have the supplies needed to keep bringing his only friend back from the brink of death.

As if sensing his worry, his comrade sat up on the small camp bed, where he’d been resting, and gave Henry a reassuring, yet also mischievous smile.

“Found him yet Doc?” he asked.

Henry sighed. He _had_ located the next possible suspect as his friend had slept, but he just didn’t want to admit it. He knew that the moment he told his friend the new information he had managed to piece together, he would jump into action instantly. He needed more time to rest and recover. However, Henry had never been a good liar.

“Yes and no,” he hazarded, hoping to delay his friend’s latest journey until at least the next day. However, it was pointless; his friend was already standing up. He saw the brief flash of pain across his friend’s face – probably caused by his barely healed bruised ribs – before he could hide it. Henry quickly added, “I want to run more tests and scans first before you check it out, though.

“There’s no reason for you to run straight back into danger,” he continued, “at least not until I’ve done some more research. I want to be sure that this isn’t another fausse piste[1]. There’s no point in you risking jumping out at some poor random guy from the past yet again. We don’t need to give the Time Patrol another reason or chance to catch you, do we?”

“It’ll be _fine_ ,” the other man said reassuringly, reaching for his time machine and strapped it to his wrist. That cheeky smile of his was really annoying at times, Henry reflected. “When and where is he?”

“Just give me a few more hours to check everything,” Henry pleaded. “I don’t want you walking into another trap.”

Technically, Henry didn’t actually have a doctorate but it wasn’t his fault that he’d been born in the wrong time period. If he’d been alive in Earth’s golden age, Henry knew he would have been a world famous scientist. It was just a shame that, despite his intelligence, his friend never listened to his advice.

“When and where, Henry?” he said in a voice that held no argument and Henry knew he’d lost.

“Paris, Buttes-Chaumont Park, 30th April 2014, 1:13pm,” he said in a defeated voice as his friend typed in the spatial-temporal coordinates while he spoke, “but I really think you should…” There was a flash of light as his friend disappeared, leaving him alone in his small lab, “Annnnnd he’s gone,” he said rolling his eyes.

“Abruti[2],” he muttered to the empty room, shaking his head, “one of these days you’ll get yourself killed but no doubt you’ll still find a way to make my life difficult from beyond the grave.”

* * *

 

The raggedy, beaten man reached for the button to activate his time machine before Dr. Henry Castafolte could try to talk him out of it anymore. What his friend didn’t seem to understand was that he couldn’t just sit around the lab waiting. He needed to be out doing something or he would go mad.

Besides, he knew his friend was only stalling for time. When it came down to it, Henry could spend as long as he wanted trying to confirm his suspicions but neither of them would know anything for certain until one of them had checked. He for one wasn’t going to sit around waiting.

‘ _Is the word ‘friend’ right for someone like Henry?_ ’ he wondered, as he pressed the button. Then he shrugged to himself. If someone like Henry really could feel true emotions, then he was almost sure that Henry thought of him as a friend.

After that, all clear thoughts started to disintegrate, his body braking down instead and his consciousness being stretched out, like it was dragged backwards. In reality he knew that the journey was almost instantaneous. However, from a subjective viewpoint, the moment of travel always seemed to slow down to what felt like an eternity as he headed towards the event horizon.

The world crystallised into a frozen moment where the present actually meant something; a physical thing or place you could visit or leave, unconnected to the past or the future (or maybe it was one and the same with them).

Then he was heading away from they event horizon and time came crashing back again. His form reassembled itself as his consciousness was returned to its proper place within his physical body.

For a moment, he half ran and half fell forwards in one ungainly movement as he tried to catch his balance. Then he righted himself and looked around. He froze as he caught sight of a man he recognised. The man was standing by a bench, where his two friends were sat watching him, as he prepared to throw an empty can into a nearby bin.

He knew instantly that they had finally found the one they’d been looking for. He recognised the man from the newspaper cutting he’d read and reread a million times. With the help of Henry, they’d both searched for this man for over a year. He’d almost given up hope of ever finding him, but it was really him.

For a moment he considered going back (technically forward) for a gun. It would be so easy to end everything now and kill the man to ensure he never fulfilled his destiny. However, the moment passed. There were better ways to save the world.

‘ _I might as well start by changing something small,_ ’ he decided. That way, when he was done, he could go back to the future (his present) and see if he’d had any effect on the timelines.

“No!” he yelled. “[Don’t throw that can!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY)”

* * *

Footnotes-

[1] 'Fausse piste' is the French version of the English phrase ‘wild goose chase’

[2] Abruti is French for Moron


	2. Chapter One: Beer, Pizza and the Girl of Your Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now the Visitor and Henry have finally Raph can they save their present?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word Count: 3,106  
> Characters: Dr. Henry Castafolte, The Visitor, Raph, Tim and Leo  
> Disclaimer: The people in this story are not mine, and this is pure fiction. The characters and story belong to Frenchnerd  
> AN: Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me.

Raph was slightly drunk and it had only just gone one in the afternoon. Normally, he would have been in Collage at that time of the day, but Wednesdays were his half day and, although he should be revising, it was his friend Tim’s birthday. That’s why he was already halfway towards being pissed, in the middle of a park with his two friends; Tim and Leo.

Raph finished his third beer and looked around for somewhere to put it. He spotted a bin nearby.

“Hey, I bet I can get this in the bin from here,” he said pointing.

“Yes, you can,” Tim grinning.

“Bet you miss,” Leo said, “I’ve seen you after a few before and you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.”

“We’ll see,” Raph said, taking aim.

“If you miss, you can buy us all pizza,” Leo said.

“But if I get it in, you’re buying.”

“I like this plan,” Tim said, “I get free pizza no matter what happens.”

“Quiet guys, I’m trying to get a good shot,” he stood up and started to aim again. He was just about to throw it when Leo coughed loudly, making him jump and drop it.

“Pizza’s on you then,” Leo grinned.

“That doesn’t count. You distracted me.” They both looked at Tim.

“You get another throw but the loser has to get us all more beer too.”

“Oh come on! You guys know I’m broke,” Raph said.

“So you’re forfeiting then?” Leo asked.

“I didn’t say that,” Raph picked the empty can back up.

Raph started to aim again and was just about to throw it, when a man appeared out of nowhere. Literally, out of nowhere. Raph almost fell over in surprise. It was as if the man had stepped, or rather fallen, out of thin air with a sound Raph couldn’t even find words to describe. The closest he could come up with was that it sounded as if a hole had been ripped in the universe and then healed itself.

The man looked and smelt like a tramp. He was wearing a long brown ragged coat, fingerless gloves, a green top, a sash over his shoulder with pouches on it and a pair of black goggles rested on his brown hair. His hair looked like it had been cut by the strange man himself using nothing but a pair of kitchen scissors and a hand mirror. The most striking thing about him though, was that he looked like he been in a fight recently. The little that Raph could see of the man’s arms were mottled with bruises- some more faded than others, as if he’d been beaten up many times. His face was covered in scratches and scars, leaving it a mixture of blood and dirt.

The man looked around as he caught his balance and caught sight of Raph, Leo and Tim. For a moment his face went slack with shock as he stared at Raph. He looked as if he’d seem a ghost. Then he yelled,

“No! Don’t throw that can!”

“Why not?” Raph asked bewildered.

“Because if you do, here’s what’s going to happen. You’ll miss by a few inches; the can will fall on the ground,” Raph heard Leo give a small laugh from behind but he ignored him as the strange man continued, “then, one of your friends will say he needs to pee, so you’ll go home without picking up the can.”

“You need to pee?” Raph heard Tim ask Leo.

“It’s just a can,” was all Raph could think to say. True, he didn’t want to pay for everyone’s booze and pizza but that hardly seemed worth the mad look in the stranger’s eyes.

“But when people see this can, they’ll try to get their can in too and they’ll all miss!” the man yelled, “The bigger the heap, the less people will care about littering. This will result in the creation of the world’s biggest landfill: it will stretch for three miles in all directions!”

“But…” Raph started to say.

“Wait, there’s more!” the man interrupted, “later on, all that garbage will produce methane at a high concentration. On April 12th 2080, the descendant of your buddies – one of which will have had a sex change,” Raph looked around at his friends, both of whom were looking at each other and wondering if a) it was true and b) if it was, who it would be. He turned back to the stranger who said, “Will light a cigarette and set fire to the methane, which will cause an explosion that’ll blow up Paris!”

The man fell silent and they looked at each other for a moment, neither of them saying anything.

“Shit,” was all Raph could think to say in the end.

“So, young fellow,” the man said, looking slightly relieved that Raph had listened to him, “anything you do can have terrible consequences and…” a device on his wrist, that looked like an MP3 player, started beeping and the man’s eyes widened in panic.

“I have to go. Don’t throw that can,” he said and started pressing buttons on the device, “I’m going to disappear, don’t worry. Remember, don’t throw it!”

The man disappeared the same way he’d arrived. They all stared at the place he’d been only moments ago.

Tim was the first to break the silence.

“You heard what he said. You’d best not throw it, just in case.”

“Yeah,” Raph said, still in shock.

“I’ll have pepperoni,” Leo called. Raph glared at him then took aim once more.

“But what if I get it in?” Raph said throwing the can. It sailed through the air and completely failed to go into the bin. They all looked at the can on the ground.

“I need to pee,” Tim said after a moment.

“Really?” Leo asked him.

“Don’t blame me. That weirdo put the thought in my head.”

They stood up and started to head out of the park but Raph paused for a moment, before picking up the can and putting it in the bin. The three of them headed out.

* * *

 

Henry sat waiting for his friend to return. He was wearing a dirty white lab coat, a green top – with a sash over his shoulder – and two belts holding up a pair of old jeans. His hands were covered in black gloves. Henry had kind brown eyes and dark curly hair.

For a while Henry tapped the table with his fingers, which was a nervous habit he’d picked up over the years. Then he got up and went over to the small computer and started trying to search for other possible suspects again.

Unfortunately, his Time Web, which was temperamental at the best of times, was on the blink again. The Time Web was a device of his own invention which allowed him to connect to the internet. He was probably the only person who still could.

The Time Web searched out any transmitters and satellites which still had a signal. It was a hard job, made no easier by the fact that most of the transmitters were damaged and missing information. Those that weren’t were simply so old now that they had started to leak information at an ever increasing rate.

Henry had just started attempting to fix it when he heard the sound of the Time Machine bring his friend back. He spun on his heels ready to help his friend if he’d been hurt again. What he hadn’t expected was for his friend to be grinning like a mad man. It wasn’t his normal mischievous smile; it was a smile of pure happiness.

“It was him, Henry,” he said, “We’ve found him.”

Henry went completely still, his eyes widening in shock. He thought he could hear the sound of his own heart beating.

“You’re sure?” he whispered almost afraid to speak as if doing so would make him wake up and he’d find out it was only a dream.

“Of course I’m sure,” his friend said grinning, “it was him. After all this time searching I’d know his face anywhere.”

“What happened?” Henry asked urgently. He realised as he said it that they’d never planned this far ahead. He almost couldn’t believe it was happening. He’d known that they’d find the right man eventually, if both of them lived long enough. However, the months of fruitless searching had forced him to admit to himself that the search could take them years.

A year of desperate searching for a man, long-dead, had taken its toll. He’d done his best but he’d only had his own inventions to help him. It had been an almost impossible task; find a man called Raph, he has crazy hair, is probably French and lived in the early 21st century. Anyone else would have given up with his resources, even if they’d had better resources and been alive before the world went to hell.

He would have relished the challenge if the world hadn’t depended on his success. He still wouldn’t have minded as much – he was a genius and bound to succeed eventually – if it hadn’t been for all the times his friend had come back half dead after a run in with the Time Patrol or because Henry had accidentally sent him somewhere dangerous. Now they’d found the right time and place his job would be so much easier. He knew where to look now.

“I kind of made it up as I went along,” his friend admitted, “I thought I’d try to change something small and see if it had any effect. I told him that if he threw a beer can that Paris would be destroyed in 2080.”

Henry glanced up at the ceiling remembering all the things that had really led to the destruction of Paris along with the rest of the world and forced them to live underground in a lab in the sewers. He shuddered. If their plan succeeded, maybe one day they’d be able to step outside and live on the surface again.

“I can’t see how that would help,” he admitted, “but I’ll check as soon as I have the Time Web working properly again. It’ll probably be a day or two though.”

“When you do, I’m going back,” his friend said, “I’ll find a way to change what he did no matter what,” his stomach rumbled, “but first things first I need my bucket.”

* * *

 

“Can I have the last piece?” Raph asked.

“Sure, go ahead, I’m full,” Tim burped as he passed him the pizza box Raph was still unhappy at having bought them all. Raph was just about to bite it when he heard the sound which had accompanied the arrival of the strange man a few days ago. He looked up and sure enough the man was back.

“No!” he screamed, “do not eat that slice of pizza!”

“Why not?” Raph asked, moving it away from his open mouth.

“Because if you do, here’s what’s going to happen. That slice was prepared with expired cheese and it was sneezed on by a cook from Pizza Rabbit. This will give you the shits.” Raph quickly put the piece back in the box and put the box on the bench next to him as the man said, “it will be so bad that you will almost die from it.”

“Shit,” Raph said, annoyed and confused. All he wanted was another slice of pizza. He didn’t need a mad man screaming at him for it. Tim and Leo looked as if they found the idea of some random bum, who was apparently a visitor from the future, harassing their friend highly funny.

“But late one night, while watching Law & Order, you will decide to sue Pizza Rabbit and you’ll win.”

“Cool,” Raph said. Maybe this future thing wasn’t so bad after all.

“But your hate for pizza companies will only grow,” the man added quickly, “you’ll spend your life suing them: Domino’s, Pizza Hut… They will all go bankrupt and you’ll become rich.”

“I’m not seeing a downside here.”

“Except that in the future, all mortgages are managed by pizza companies which will run the global economy! Their bankruptcies will create an unprecedented crisis. The price of food will rocket. With no alternative people will resort to the cheapest food source: cannibalism.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Raph said, “let me get this straight. In the future, the world’s full of poor cannibals and I’m the only rich guy, right?”

The man looked as if he thought he might have said something stupid but just as he began to open his mouth, the machine on his wrist gave a beep and he disappeared.

“Well then, it’s an obvious choice,” Raph said reaching for the pizza box only to find it empty. He looked up and saw Tim and Leo had ripped the piece in half and were already eating it. He rolled his eyes and they shrugged.

* * *

 

“You know screaming incoherently at him probably isn’t going to help,” Henry told his friend when he reappeared.

“Got any better ideas?” he friend asked with a shrug.

“Other than telling him the truth?” Henry asked rolling his eyes, “no, because I think we should keep things simple.”

“I can’t risk telling him the truth for two reasons. One, telling him might be the thing that makes him do it.”

“Yes, because calmly explaining things to him and hoping he’s rational about it is definitely more risky than harassing him,” Henry said his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“He deserves it,” his friend said, his voice turning slightly venomous.

“From his point in time he hasn’t done anything yet.”

“Alright, alright if this doesn’t work soon I’ll stop and try it your way. However, I’d prefer not to because the second reason is that if the Time Patrol find out what I’m trying to do they’ll find a way to make him do it. You know their methods.”

Henry nodded with a shudder. That reason made much more sense.

“Now, what else have you been able to gather?” his friend asked.

“I found his online diary,” Henry told him, “it was set to private but that was child’s play for me. There’s no mention of him doing it though. This diary ends about a year after you first visited him. I haven’t found another one yet. He’s talked about your two visits so far. He just seems very confused by them.”

“Anything interesting in there?”

“He has a thing for Stella Leroi.”

“What… seriously? _The_ Stella Leroi!?” his friend asked, eyes widening in shock and laughing.

“Yeah, that was my reaction too,” Henry said grinning despite himself, “this was before she got famous of course. According to his diary, he kept failing to ask her out.”

“Give me a time he tried.”

“The diary entry was posted on 21st May, in Avenue Simon Bolivar, Paris, Île-de-France, 7:32pm. He said he’d just made a fool of himself on the phone by getting tongue tied so I’d say about a quarter of an hour before he made the call.”

Laughing, Henry’s friend typed in the coordinates and disappeared.

* * *

 

“Hello, Stella?” Raph practised, “no, no that’s too high pitched,” he muttered before saying in a lower voice, “hello, Stella? I’ve known you since preschool but we’ve never really talked. Would you like to go out for a drink?” That didn’t sound too bad. He reached for his phone.

He was so rapped up that he didn’t notice he had a visitor until he turned around and saw him sat next to him on the bed. He gave a small scream out of shock.

“Don’t call her!”

“Just leave me alone!” he yelled, fed up with the Visitor’s constant interruptions.

“Because if you do, here’s what’s going to happen,” the Visitor said ignoring him, “you and Stella will start dating and you will be very happy together.”

The Visitor saw the look on his face and quickly added, “but hear me out! One day, she’ll get pregnant at 19.”

“Shit,” Raph said with a sigh. Why couldn’t he just do something simple like ask out a girl he liked without it somehow ending badly?

“Yes but she’ll never ask you for anything and will let you get on with your life.”

“Cool,” Raph said and waited for the Visitor to continue with something terrible which would no doubt tell him about. He wasn’t wrong.

“Yes but this baby will grow up. He’ll go to primary school where he will sit next to one Jules Lambert. On September 19th 2015, at 10:05a.m., your son will say to Jules Lambert: ‘Peace out.’”

“I’m sure you’re about to explain,” Raph said with a sigh, “but what exactly is so bad about him saying, ‘Peace out?’”

“This sentence will leave a big impression on Jules Lambert. At 35 he will lead a radical-right anarchist party. During the 2045 political campaign, Jules Lambert will use your son’s phrase as a slogan. He will then win the election and France will turn into a dictatorial anarchy: a state where everyone is their own dictator.”

Raph tried to picture it but couldn’t. However, something about how the Visitor said it made it seem like a real threat. That was why, when his phone rang and he saw Stella’s number he panicked and yelled, “Shit, Stella’s calling! What do I do?”

“Give me your phone!” the Visitor demanded and Raph handed it over confused and scared. The Visitor answered the phone.

“Hello?... Yeah, I’m not Raphael,” he paused listening to her response. Raph couldn’t make out what she was saying but he could hear the sound of her voice.

“He’s playing video games,” the Visitor told her grinning at Raph, “yeah, guys are all the same… I sound different? That’s nice of you,” he sounded pleased and a little surprised as he turned away from Raph and stopped paying him any attention.

“You’ve got a beautiful voice,” he was blushing now apparently oblivious to the daggers Raph was shooting him with his eyes, “am I doing anything tomorrow night? … I don’t have any plans… 8p.m. it is! I’ll pick you up. That’s a date… Take care, Stella. See you tomorrow.”

The Visitor had the biggest grin on his face as he hung up.

“Grate!” he said to himself, “cool! Awesome!” Then he caught sight of Raph’s face and his smile vanished,

“Um, I sorted it out. You can stop worrying now?”

“Get out,” Raph said in a flat voice.

“I was just…”

“Get out now!”

[The Visitor pressed a button on his wrist and disappeared.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frAEmhqdLFs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the end is, ‘We Will All Go Together When We Go,’ by Tom Lehrer not ‘It’s the End of the World as we know it’. I wanted to use a different apocalypse song for each chapter.


	3. Chapter Two: The Snack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visitor wants to try stopping something bad that’s going to happen to Raph but will Raph listen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me.  
> There are three bits of French in this chapter that are explained in the footnotes. If they are wrong, please feel free tell me.

Henry woke with a start. His friend was standing over him looking slightly worried.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” Henry told him, “I must have fallen asleep. I was,” his face screwed up in concentration, “working. Then I saw something and I… I don’t remember. I must just have needed to sleep.”

“Yes, I suppose that must have been it,” his friend said, something about his face made Henry think he might be lying. Not for the first time he wondered at the secrets behind his friend’s joking eyes. Sometimes he saw a sadness behind them that he wasn’t sure he understood. His friend put down a small screwdriver and Henry wondered what he’d been doing with it. Then his friend smiled and Henry shrugged it off, “I brought us a takeaway from the past!”

“You know you shouldn’t use the time machine for things like that,” Henry said with a smile as he reached for the chips his friend was offering.

“We’re saving the world. I think the space-time continuum will forgive me for getting some food from the past. I don’t think I can stand another can of cat food today anyway.”

“I guess you’re right,” Henry said, “but since you’re already risking life and limb as we’re screwing with space-time, can you get us something alcoholic next time too?”

“You think I’d forget?” his friend asked with a laugh, reaching into a plastic bag on the table and passing him a bottle of beer.

“So how did it go?”

“I’m pretty sure Raph hates me now,” his friend admitted, “I sort of ended up being asked on a date by Stella.”

Henry stopped eating.

“You haven’t gone on a date with her, have you?”

“Not yet.”

“Well don’t,” Henry said firmly, “you have a job to do. Dating Stella is an unnecessary risk. You should spend as little time in the past as possible or the Time Patrol could catch you.”

“I know, I know,” his friend said with a sigh.

They finished the rest of the food in companionable silence. When they were finished Henry checked Raph’s diary.

“You were right,” he said, “Raph _really_ doesn’t like you after your last visit. According to him, he would definitely have asked her out this time if you hadn’t shown up.”

“Anything useful?” his friend asked, “are there any clues about how or when he does it?”

“No,” Henry sighed, “honestly, I’m kind of disappointed by him. I thought… I don’t know, that he’d be a genus. I’m mean, look at what he caused! You’d think he’d be special in some way but he’s not.

“He’s just an ordinary guy,” he continued, “he’s not that clever or even that dedicated to his college work. He’s also a bit of whiner about not having the courage to talk Stella.”

“What about friends?” his friend asked, “do you think any of them could be the reason for what he did?”

“Probably not,” Henry said, “he only seems to have the two of them; Tim and Leo.”

“I think I remember them. Raph was with two other people the first two times I visited him,” he screwed up his face in concentration, “one of them has curly hair, which he kept tied back and was… on the smaller side of average?”

“Tim,” Henry confirmed.

“So Leo’s the tallest one, with shorter hair?”

“Yes, but I don’t think they’re involved. The three of them are very close but they don’t seem any more intelligent than Raph. I can’t find anything about them other than what Raph’s put in his diary. They call themselves the three musketeers.”

* * *

 

They fell silent for a while as they both thought. Eventually Henry’s friend said, “You know, I’m starting to feel a little bad about messing with Raph. I know he’d have still screwed it up with Stella without me but maybe I should stop being _quite_ such a jerk to him.”

“Will wonders never cease?” Henry asked in surprise, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you feel guilty before.”

“I’m not feeling guilty! I’m just… I don’t know. Next time I go, I’d like to actually stop something bad that’s going to happen to him instead of talking nonsense. I mean it hasn’t exactly worked so far, has it?”

“Well if you want to do something nice for him, I think I know what you can do…”

Raph was heading through the park to meet Tim and Leo when his stomach rumbled and he realised how hungry he was. He took his bag off his back and rummaged through it. Eventually he found a squashed chocolate bun at the bottom. He pulled it out and unwrapped it.

Raph was about to take a bite when he heard the sound of the Time Traveller arriving. He was further down the path and facing the wrong way. He turned around saw Raph and yelled, “No! Don’t eat that chocolate bun!”

“No,” Raph muttered to himself glaring, at the Time Traveller, “not this time!” He turned on his heel and started running in the opposite direction.

“What does he think he’s doing?” the Time Traveller muttered as he started to run after Raph, “hey, come back here! I’m trying to help you,” he yelled but Raph only ran faster.

“Laisse-moi tranquille[1]!” Raph shouted as he glanced back only to see he was still being followed.

The Time Traveller gave a grunt of annoyance as he slid to a halt. It was clear he wasn’t going to catch Raph this way. He fiddled with his Time Machine before disappearing and reappearing just ahead of Raph. However, his coordinates were a little off and he had reappeared in the middle of a bush at the side of the path. He fought his way out unused to dealing with anything that grew from the ground.

“Fucking old school nature,” he muttered as he reached the path just as Raph flew past, “wait! I need to talk to you!”

“No!” Raph yelled covering his ears, “I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”

The Time Traveller fiddled with his machine again and this time he appeared right in front of Raph who ran into him. He tackled Raph to the ground.

“Now, are you going to ecoute-moi[2]?” he asked though gritted teeth.

“Get off me!” Raph yelled struggling, “I’m hungry. Go harass someone else for once.”

“I’m trying to save you!” the Time Traveller yelled frustrated, “If you eat that bun; here’s what’s going to happen…”

“La la la I can’t hear you,” Raph said wriggling. He managed to get loose and as he stood up he quickly pressed a few random buttons on the man’s machine causing him to disappear. He breathed a sigh of relief. He kept running just to be safe until he left the park and reached the side of a road.

He slid to a halt when he saw the Visitor from the future reappear at the other side of the road.

“No!” he yelled at Raph from across the road, “please don’t. I’m telling you, you’ll regret it.”

“No, I don’t care what you say,” Raph shouted, “I don’t care if it gives me the shits or if the world ends. I’m hungry!”

“Watch out!” the Visitor yelled as a car mounted the pavement and veered towards Raph.

“Look!” Raph yelled not listening as he took a bite, “I’m eating it!”

The Time Traveller flinched as the car hit and sent Raph flying.

“Here’s what’s going to happen…” he muttered sarcastically, gesturing at Raph on the ground, as the driver got out of the car swearing in panic. He stood for a moment trying to decide what to do.

After a second he swore and pressed some buttons on his machine. He disappeared and reappeared next to Raph who was groaning in pain and clutching a clearly broken arm.

“You should have listened to me,” he told Raph as he pressed some more buttons. He grabbed Raphs unbroken arm and activated the Time Machine causing them to both disappear. Spatial travel was much easier than temporal travel and a moment later they both reappeared outside the nearest hospital.

* * *

 

“I just made everything worse,” he told Henry after he’d got back and finished on the bucket.

“I noticed,” Henry said gesturing to the screen, “I mean, pour l'amour de Dieu[3], originally he got hit by a cyclist, because he wasn’t paying attention while eating, and twisted his wrist falling. You managed to change things so that he got hit by a drunk driver!”

“He ran off when he saw me! I tried to catch him but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Clearly.”

“I took him to the hospital though. That counts for something right?”

“I don’t think he sees it like that. I’m a little surprised you helped him, honestly,” Henry admitted.

“It was my fault he got hurt. I couldn’t leave him,” his friend said, “I… considered it. Just for a moment, I considered leaving him. I didn’t know how badly he’d been hurt. He might have been dying for all I knew. I could have left him, just let him die… maybe I should have.”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference if you had left him. Raph wasn’t dying. Leaving him would just have made him resent you more,” Henry said.

“I know that now,” his friend said, “but I didn’t at the time.”

“He hasn’t done anything yet by his point in the time lines.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know what to do. I thought, once we’d found him, that I could sort everything out. Henry, what am I supposed to do?”

Henry had never seen his friend look so vulnerable, not even when they’d first met in Necrophiliac Prison.

“I think you should risk telling him the truth,” Henry told him, “if the Time Patrol tries to interfere we’ll find a way to deal with them but what you’re doing at the moment isn’t working.”

His friend looked at the ground in silence for a few moments.

“No,” he said at last, “I’m not risking it unless I have no other choice.[ I’ll find another way.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lotkzHsIuoA)

* * *

[1] ‘Laisse-moi tranquille’ is French for ‘Leave me alone’

[2] ‘Ecoute-moi’ is French for ‘Listen to me’

[3] ‘Pour l'amour de Dieu’ is French for, ‘For goodness sake’


	4. Chapter Three- The Time Patrol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Time Patrol catch up with the Visitor from the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters: The Visitor, Raph and Mattéo
> 
> Disclaimer: The people in this story are not mine, and this is pure fiction. The characters and story belong to Frenchnerd
> 
> AN: Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me.

“Don’t order the fish!”

“Why?” Raph asked, looking up from his hospital bed. He’d just been about to decide what to eat for lunch.

“Because it’s off and, if you eat it, you’ll get food poisoning and be stuck here a lot longer.”

Raph waited for the Time Traveller to continue but when he didn’t he said, “Oh, okay. Thanks for the warning, I guess.” The Time Traveller stood there awkwardly for a moment, “Was there anything else?” Raph asked taking pity on the man, though he didn’t know why.

“I brought you flowers,” the Time Traveller said holding out a small pot of daffodils, “they’re to say sorry for… well you know,” he said gesturing to Raph’s arm in a sling and neck in a brace.

“Um… thank you?” Raph said, slightly touched despite himself, “it wouldn’t have happened if you’d just left me alone though.”

“I know,” the Time Traveller said looking tired and sad as he took a seat by Raph’s bed. He looked much older suddenly and Raph almost flinched at the look in his eyes. They were the eyes of someone who’d seen too much and had the weight of the world on their shoulders. “I am sorry that you got hurt but I have to find a way to save the future. I can’t leave you alone.”

“Why don’t you just tell me what’s really going on then?” Raph asked genuinely curious now. He realised that they’d never really talked before. The other man had always disappeared after every cryptic message about future disaster.

“I can’t,” he told Raph, “you might not like my interference but you’d hate the alternative a lot more.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Raph said sourly.

The Time Traveller opened his mouth to say something but his time machine started beeping. His eyes opened wide in genuine panic, “I have to go,” he saw Raph’s face, “No really, I have to go. If I stay, they’ll catch me again.” With no more explanation than that, he pressed a few buttons and disappeared.

* * *

Raph had finally been discharged. He was sitting alone in his apartment and trying to drink a can of coke through a straw because his neck was still in a brace and his arm was still in a sling. He heard the sound of the Visitor arriving and almost didn’t bother looking over. Then he heard the Visitor swear as a beeping noise started from his time machine. Raph sighed and looked up; it wasn’t like he could run anyway.

The Visitor had a panicked look in his eyes. He didn’t even look at Raph as he fiddled with the beeping machine.

“Work, you piece of shit and get me out of here,” he muttered. Then he cursed and unstrapped the time machine from his wrist and shoved it in his coat pocket. Then he took off his coat and looked around for somewhere to put it. He eventually settled on Raph’s closet. Once it was hidden, he turned to Raph for the first time and looked him up and down, “Give me your hoodie!” he demanded.

“What?”

“No time to explain,” the Visitor insisted, real fear in his voice now, “give me your hoodie.”

He leapt at Raph and started pulling his red hoodie over his head. Raph gave a cry of pain as it jostled his arm and was forced over his neck brace. The Visitor didn’t seem to care though. He put it on just as Raph heard the sound of another time machine in the next room.

A moment later another man stepped into the room. He was big and intimidating. He wore a black coat over a black top; he also had on a black cap and a pair of dark sunglasses. The clothes all had a symbol in white on them. It was two lines side by side. They reminded Raph of a pause sign on a DVD remote. He had what looked like an empty file under his arm which had the same symbol on it. He had a small badge on which said, ‘Mattéo – Time Officer’.

“Hello, Time Patrol,” he said in a deep slightly bored voice, “Don’t be alarmed. None time travelling civilians have nothing to fear. I’m looking for a man suspected of changing the past.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, sir!” the Visitor spluttered in a voice that was too high with what Raph thought was barely disguised fear. Raph almost rolled his eyes.

“Can I see some ID?” Mattéo asked.

“In the drawer,” Raph said pointing behind him with his thumb. The officer walked over and opened the draw. He found Raph’s passport, took a small device from his jacket and scanned it.

“These check out,” he told Raph walking back around the table, “and what about you, sir?” he asked the Visitor.

“I… I… don’t have any ID on me,” the Visitor stuttered, “I didn’t know I’d need some to visit my good friend Raph. How could I know some guy would barge into here and…?”

“It’s okay,” the officer interrupted and the Visitor looked relieved until Mattéo asked him, “what happened to your face?”

“Cuts from shaving,” came the squeaked reply.

“I’m going to have to check your time of origin,” the officer said in a matter of fact voice. He opened the empty file and started flicking though pages of light that had appeared when he’d opened it, “so… 2012, 2013, ah here it is, 2014. Who’s the president?”

“François Hollande,” the Vistor said sounding less worried now.

“Yeah, it was already him!” Mattéo said smiling for the first time, “it’s still long before the Empire.”

“Empire?” Raph asked.

“That’s classified until the time it happens,” Mattéo said his businesslike voice back, “award for Best Picture?”

“12 Years a Slave. It’s an amazing movie.”

The officer nodded and asked, “I can check my emails on…?”

“The internet.”

“What if I wanted some pot?”

“You can’t. It’s still illegal,” Raph opened his mouth to point out the ‘still’ but decided against it and closed it again.

“Good. Bob Hoskins?”

“Dead.”

“Walt Disney?”

“Still dead.”

“How does the show Supernatural end?”

“Well at the end of series 16 Dean tells Sam…” he caught sight of Raph’s face. “No! I wouldn’t know! It’s not finished yet.”

“Eurovision winner?”

“Conchita Wurst.”

“Good. Complete this sentence; It’s the end of the world…” Mattéo sang.

“As we know it?” the Visitor responded.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it,” Mattéo sang starting to grin.

“It’s the end of the world as we know it,” the Visitor sang smiling too. They both sang, “and I feel fine!” in unison.

“Very good. Last question,” the officer said and turned to Raph, “is he from the future?”

Raph thought about lying. However, the Visitor had brought him nothing but trouble and, despite his assurances that it was all for some grater good, Raph wasn’t at all sure he believed him. Besides, something about the officer scared Raph.

“Yes, sir.”

The Visitor’s face went white as he stood up and tried to run. The officer grabbed his arm.

“Thank you for your time,” the officer told Raph.

“Don’t let him take me!” the Visitor screamed and Raph suddenly felt bad but it was too late now. The Time Officer pressed some buttons on his time machine, which was much sleeker and cleaner than the Visitor’s, and they both disappeared.

Raph sat there wondering if he’d done the right thing. [Then he shrugged and tried to drink his coke again.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUppnDFcERM)


	5. Chapter Four: A Lack of Cranberry Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph gets another visit from the Time Petrol, Henry worries about his friend and the Visitor doesn’t know what to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some French in this chapter again. Read the footnotes if you don’t understand it. Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me.

Raph was sat at his kitchen table, eating Cheerios at one o’clock in the afternoon. What had happened to his life? He wondered morosely as he took another bite.

He should definitely call Leo and Tim. He hadn’t really been seeing them much since the idiot from the future (he winced slightly, no refused to be he worried about his stalker) started harassing him. Raph could do with some sympathy for his near fatal accident. Hell, he’d take their jokes at his expense instead of sitting alone in the middle of the day. Besides, the stalker from the future had been dragged away so he’d probably be able to meet them without interruption.

Raph winced slightly again as he remembered the look of terror on his tormentor’s face as he’d been dragged away.

‘NO! _’_ he thought savagely, ‘I’m not worried about him and I have nothing to feel guilty about.’

Maybe he should call Stella. Maybe they could meet up. It probably wouldn’t cause the end of the world.

Raph heard the sound of a time travel device splitting the space-time continuum and bringing a visitor to his flat. He was annoyed with himself when he found that a part of him was relieved to hear that sound again. However, it wasn’t the man who’d been making his life a living hell who appeared, but the Time Officer, Mattéo. Raph became more annoyed with himself when he realised he was disappointed and scared. The Time Patrol were the good guys, right?

“Hello, Time Patrol,” Mattéo said again. Even from where he was leaning against a wall at the other side of the room, Raph could smell how bad the other man stank of alcohol. Raph shrank back in his chair slightly, scared of the burly time traveller. “Don’t be alarmed. Non-time t…”

“I’m not alarmed,” Raph interrupted, trying to quell his probably groundless fears.

“What?” Mattéo asked, thrown off his stride, “I just appeared out of nowhere, before your very eyes. Don’t you find that even a little suppressing?”

“You came yesterday,” Raph told him. Did the Time Agent think he was stupid? It wasn’t like he could forget the events of the other day.

“Yesterday?” Mattéo said, now looking confused, “no, impossible.”

“You arrested a suspect,” Raph reminded him slowly.

“No, impossible. I’d remember,” Mattéo’s face then cleared with understanding, “unless I came from the future.”

“Well of course,” Raph said trying not to roll his eyes.

“No, no, no,” Mattéo said dismissively, “I mean _my_ future.”

“What?” Raph asked confused again.

“You saw me here yesterday,” Mattéo explained, “but I don’t remember that. So that means it will happen in _my_ future.”

“So I met a future version of you?”

“Must have,” Mattéo said and then his eyes lit up with excitement, “okay, this is against all the rules but I’ve got to know; what was I wearing?”

“What you’re wearing now.”

Mattéo looked momentarily disappointed then he asked, “Did my badge say ‘Inspector?’ My boss has been promising to promote me.”

“No.”

“Fais chier[1]! Did I have a moustache? I’ve been thinking of growing one.”

“No,” Raph told him, “you looked exactly the same.”

“So…” Mattéo said slowly, “in my close future, I’ll be sent back on a mission and meet you yesterday.”

“What’s odd,” Raph said, “is that when you came yesterday, you didn’t recognise me.”

“Honestly, by the time I’ll be sent here, I won’t remember talking to you now.”

“Oh, time paradox?” Raph asked, smiling slightly. He was starting to get used to this time travel jargon.

“No, I drink,” Mattéo admitted and the smile left Raph’s face, “a lot”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Honestly, this job leads to alcoholism,” Mattéo said conspiratorially, “just yesterday, I went back to 1920 to place a bottle of red wine in my cellar. When I came back, I drank this wonderful vintage wine! I drank the fuck out of it! I have to say, I’m still pretty hungover…” He started giggling and then spotted something on the counter behind Raph. “Hey! I recognise that lamp! I did come here.”

“No kidding,” Raph said, his patience worn out.

“How about that?”

“And what brought you here?”

“Well…” Mattéo said thinking about it for a moment, “I have no clue!” he said, pressed a button on his time machine and disappeared still giggling.

* * *

 

Henry swore when he read the latest change to Raph’s diary. His friend had been captured by the Time Patrol. Henry’s first instinct was to grab the spare time machine from his desk and try to save him, but that would have been foolish. If he got captured too, then neither of them would see freedom again and the world would never be saved.

Henry knew what he had to do, even though he shuddered at the thought of it. He quickly stood up and went over to one of the drawers. From inside he grabbed three packs of cigarettes and headed for the door. He left the lab/home he normally shared with his friend and went looking for a future he hoped to change.

It wasn’t hard to find who he was looking for. He hardly made it difficult, with the stench of cigarettes permeating the air around him. Henry saw him from behind and was about to call out, when the man fired a gun over his shoulder which barely missed him.

The man turned around and Henry was again _treated_ to the half burnt and destroyed face of his friend.

“Hey, it’s one of the robots,” the man said, “sorry about shooting at you. I thought you were a flesh chewer… but let’s be honest, it wouldn’t have hurt you even if I’d hit you.” The man doubled over laughing which soon turned to hacking coughs.

Henry waited for him to catch his breath before saying, “First of all, I’m not a robot…”

“Of course you’re not,” the man said mockingly, “let me guess; you’re the real Henry Castafolte?”

“Yes,” Henry said firmly, “I’m the one you used to work with before…” he gestured at the man’s face. He didn’t know what had happened that had caused his friend to become a deformed parody of himself and he doubted the other man still remembered. He just hoped that this time around he’d be able to save his friend from that fate.

The future version of his friend rolled his eyes and said, “Oh, that one. Still trying to save the world, robo man?” He started laughing again.

Henry tried to ignore his jabs and said though gritted teeth, “I have a job of you.”

“A job? Now that’s more like it…”

* * *

 

_“No,” the man muttered, his vision blurred and unable to focus on anything properly, “I won’t tell you anything. You’ll have to kill me.”_

_A figure moved in front of him and he tried to lean away but he was bound too tightly to the hard chair he’d been forcefully strapped to, “We don’t kill our prisoners,” came the harsh reply, “but you’ll talk eventually. Everyone does.” The man in the chair whimpered as he was struck hard across the face and a handful of his hair was roughly grabbed, yanking his head back. “What is your plan?”_

_“Go to hell,” he said and spat in his tormenter’s face. He regretted it a moment later as he was punched in the gut._

Suddenly, he woke with a start. A dream, it had just been a dream. His head was resting against something soft and he tried to remember how and when he’d fallen asleep, but couldn’t. With a tired groan he opened his eyes, rubbing the sleep from them as he sat up. Then he froze, nothing moving but his eyes as they darted around the room.

Where was he? He didn’t recognise the room he was in at all. He’d been resting on a sofa. When he looked down at himself, he realised that he didn’t even recognise the clothes he was wearing. He had on a stripy grey and black top and a pair of jeans. They were far cleaner than his own ragged clothes, but their unfamiliarity of them made him feel uncomfortable.

Looking around him again, he found that he was in some sort of flat. Half the room was a small living room and the other was a kitchen. If he had to guess, from his surrounding, he would have said that he was somewhere in the early 21st century probably during the teenies,[2] judging by the television in the corner and the laptop on the coffee table.

He got unsteadily to his feet and looked at himself on the mantelpiece of a small electric fireplace. On the mantelpiece were photos of himself and a woman he didn’t recognise. They looked happy together. She was thin, had long red hair and brown eyes.

He looked in the mirror behind the photos and had another shock. His face was clean and undamaged. All the scars and blood he’d gotten used to seeing in his reflection over the years was gone. He looked at his arms and they were no longer bruised.

What was going on?

He was about to start a more thorough search of wherever he was, when he heard the sound of a door being unlocked. He turned quickly to see the woman from the photos coming through the door carrying two heavy packed shopping bags. Her red hair hung loose over her shoulders. She was wearing a pretty pink flowery summer dress and hoop earrings.

“They were out of cranberry juice,” she said, giving him a smile as she put the bags down on a wooden table in the kitchen and started to put their contents away, “so I got mixed berry instead.”

“Sorry?” he asked completely unsure what was happening.

“Don’t give me that,” she said with a small frown as she straightened up from putting the juice carton in the fridge, “it was mixed berry or nothing. They don’t taste that different.”

She started to put things away again and he felt awkward. Was he meant to help? Where did everything go, anyway? More importantly, who was she and why did she act like they knew each other? He opened his mouth to start asking what was happening when she spoke again.

“By the way, Louise and Michelle won’t be coming over for dinner on Tuesday. They’ll be coming on Thursday instead because, Michelle has an antenatal class on Tuesday after work.”

“Louise and Michelle? Just what the hell is going on here?” he asked, his voice a little sharper than he’d intended.

“So it’s okay for your buddies to hang out here all the time or for you to disappear with them until the early hours of the morning, but I can’t have my friends round once in a while if the date changes?” she asked, her voice turning angry.

“No! No!” he said quickly, “that’s not what I…”

“Then what?” she snapped, “is it the whole dinner thing? Eating at a table, with plates, knives and forks instead of pizza in front of the telly? Normally people eat at the table every once in a while. You don’t always have to pig out on the couch. You and your friends eat like pigs!”

“Look, listen,” he said trying to take control of the situation.

“No, **you** listen to **me** for once!” she yelled. “Louise and Michelle are coming on Thursday and you’ll be here! Now drink your berry juice and he happy about it!” She took a few deep breaths before asking in a calmer voice, “Any questions?”

“Yes, just one,” he said, relieved to finally have a chance to speak. He felt stupid asking after they’d already been talking for so long, but he had to know who she was, and so he asked, “Who are you?”

“Oh no,” she said, the anger leaving her face to be replaced with sadness, “please, not again.”

“Listen…,” he struggled to think what to call her, and finally settled on, “young lady. This is all a little weird for me…”

“Because you’re from the _future_ ,” she said, he voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Well yes!”

“You’re on an important mission to save the world,” her voice was bored now.

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“Of course I know,” she said, her voice sad again. She walked around the kitchen counter and took his hand, “we went to the doctor together, remember? This… fantasy you’ve concocted, it isn’t real. It’s all in your head, sweetie.”

He backed away suddenly as a thought struck him, “You’re working for the Time Patrol, aren’t you?”

“There _is_ no Time Patrol!” she yelled, angry again and she slapped him, “listen to yourself; Time Patrol, time travel, saving the world! You’re deluded!”

“They’ve caught me again!” he said, still backing away.

It all made sense now but he still couldn’t remember how he’d been caught, “You just want to know how I always escape and what I’m trying to do in the past!” he accused her, “but I’ll never talk.”

“Why do you always do this? Do you know how delusional you sound?” she asked sadly. She sat down on the sofa and put her head in her hands. He thought he heard a small sob and he felt a felt a small slither of uncertainty and guilt. Maybe she wasn’t a Time Agent. Maybe they had brainwashed her and were manipulating her to try and get him to talk. “I know we don’t have the most exciting life, we don’t earn much or go on fancy holidays but that’s no reason to make up all this sci-fi rubbish. Aren’t we happy together?”

“But I…”

“And who’s that Raphaëlle girl you’re always mumbling about in your sleep?” she asked accusingly, looking up at him with damp, slight red eyes.

“What you mean Raph?” she nodded. “It’s not like that. For a start Raph’s a man. He’s…”

“It’s worse than I thought!” she spluttered.

“No, no, no,” he said waving his hand dismissively. “Raph’s this guy from 2014. He’s important and he’s also going to help me,” he stopped suddenly. Even if she wasn’t part of the Time Patrol, they’d be watching. “Never mind, it’s too hard to explain.”

“Oh, no, I get it,” she said, her voice both angry and hurt, “it’s a three-way…”

“No, it’s part of my escape plan. You see…” he stopped.

“What?” her eyes and voice was too eager.

In a moment of clarity he realised he’d been right all along. He punched her between the eyes and she collapsed backwards.

“Nice try,” he said smiling.

“Almost!” she said frustrated. She got back to her feet and her image flickered. One moment she was in the pretty summer dress with her hair down, and the next she was in a black business-like suit with the Time Patrol’s logo. Her hair was now tied back and she wore a pair of black spectacles. She wore a name badge which said, ‘Judith – Chief Inspector,’ and in the corner of the badge in small writing it also said ‘Gender – Instersex/Zie.’ He immediately stopped thinking of Judith as a ‘she’ and started thinking of her as ‘zie’ instead.[3]

At the same time that Judith’s appearance changed, he felt his own body change. Glancing in the mirror he saw that he was wearing his own clothes and his face was bruised and blooded again.

“You guys really spared no expense this time,” he said disgustedly, and then grinned nastily and said, “but you should do more research before tying to mess with my mind. If you had, you’d have realised I’d never date such a whiny, pain in the ass jerk,” he gave zir a sarcastic smile, “no offence.”

“Well, no offence,” zie said in an overly sweet voice as zie turned to leave the small ‘apartment,’ “but I’d never date a guy with such an ugly face, asshole.”

He didn’t bother trying to get out as the door slammed. He knew that it would be impossible. He’d left his time machine in Raph’s time, and they’d have made sure the room was escape-proof. [Besides, they’d come for him soon enough. He just hoped he’d be rescued before that happened.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO_WxYC34eM)

 

[1] ‘Fais chier’ is French for ‘damn it.’

[2] Teenies is the future name for the 2010’s

[3] The future is awful and full of apocalypses but at least people respect preferred gender pronouns


	6. Chapter Five: He’s Behind You!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judith interrogates zir prisoner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me. She also came up with arseface.  
> Warning: Mild torture, not too graphic.

Chapter Five- He’s Behind You!

He waited in the fake apartment for what seemed like over a day but in reality was probably only a few hours. Much to his disappointment, nobody came to save him. He hoped Henry had managed to find his future self before something had happened to him, or he’d be stuck in the Time Petrol’s custody and both of them would be as good as doomed.

Eventually Judith opened the door again and he made a desperate rush to get past zir. However, it was pointless. He was grabbed by someone with Henry’s face. His wrists were crushed together and lifted above his head until he was forced to stand on tiptoe. His shoulders strained in their sockets, threatening to pop.

He knew it was stupid but it always bothered him when he met different Casta-bots. He hated seeing his friend’s face, and knowing that it belonged to a robot that hadn’t shared any of the experiences he had shared with _his_ Henry.

Unlike the Henry he knew, the robotic double’s eyes held no kindness or recognition. There was a cruelty barely hidden behind his too realistic face. He had see-though goggles over his eyes, unlike the black ones that normally rested on the top of his friend’s head. The Time Patrol’s Casta-bot’s appearance was overall just much cleaner than his friend, but other than that they were identical.

“Let go!” he yelled and kicked out desperately, but it was useless as the other ‘man’ wasn’t built to feel pain.

The Casta-bot laughed, “I don’t think so.” The robot squeezed his wrists tighter and he felt his bones rub against themselves as they threatened to break.

“That’s enough, Henry,” Judith said, putting a hand on the Casta-bot’s shoulder. The pressure eased slightly, “we don’t want to damage him too much before he can tell us anything useful.”

“Sorry,” Not-Henry said, and started dragging him down the corridor. Judith followed them.

“If you don’t let me go, here’s what’s going to happen! When I get free, I’ll stick a magnet up your backside and I’ll take an axe to your central processor!” he yelled. It wasn’t exactly the best threat of future disaster he’d ever come up with, but his wrists were really hurting him.

“Not that it’s any of your business and you won’t be getting free anyway, but I am the real Henry Castafolte.”

“Then check your arm,” he said spitefully.

“He has nothing to prove to a criminal like you,” Judith said as they reached a door at the end of the corridor. Judith stepped up to the door and put zir eye to a scanner. The door beeped and swung open.

He was dragged into an interrogation room and the Casta-bot strapped him to a hard chair until he could barely move. Judith sat down at the other side of a table in a comfy leather chair. Apart from the two chairs and the table, the room was bare.

“Thank you, Henry,” Judith said smiling at the robot, “I can take it from here. You can go back to the lab now.”

He smiled at Judith and gave a little bow, “As you wish, sir’ram[1]. Call me if you need me.” He left closing the door behind him.

Judith smiled after the departed robot. “Aren’t Casta-bots just the best?” zie asked him, “unlike humans, they can be relied upon to follow instructions.”

He didn’t answer and after a moment Judith started fiddling with some papers before saying in a more businesslike tone, “Okay so, in short, you time travel illegally on a regular basis to the early 21st century. While there you harass a young man for unknown reasons.”

“There’s a bigger picture,” he told zir, trying to sound enigmatic. The look of annoyance and boredom on zir face told him he’d failed.

“Of course there is,” zie said, zir voice dripping with sarcasm, “you intend to escape again to keep doing… whatever it is you think you’re doing.”

“I _have_ a plan.”

“If you say so,” Judith said, “what we want to know is how you keep managing to escape each time we catch you.”

“I’ll only speak in the presence of an attorney,” he told zir, trying to sound confident.

“Oh yes, an attorney,” Judith said smiling, “I had completely forgotten. I’ll go to get you one right now.”

“Really?”

“No,” zie got up, walked around the table, grabbed his head and roughly pulled it back by the hair, until he was forced to look at Judith as zie stood behind him.

“Other than the Time Petrol, nobody in this time period even knows you’re here,” zie told him, zir voice friendly and conversational. He couldn’t stop a small whimper of pain escaping his throat as zie pulled his head was pulled back even further. “You’re just another crazy time criminal. In this building, you have no rights. Who’s going to tell us we’re not giving you your human rights? The general pubic don’t know you exist unless we tell them.”

With that, zie let go of his hair and he fell forward, as far as his restraints would allow. He closed his eyes and tried to get control of his breathing. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life as a prisoner in this place. What was taking his rescuer so long? When he looked up again, Judith was back in zir seat, smiling as if nothing had happened.

“I liked the whiney girlfriend better,” he told zir.

“Yeah, that was fun,” Judith laughed, “I’ve gotten a lot of people to talk that way but I had a hard time inserting your face on those pictures of us. Did you even notice them?”

“The ones on the mantelpiece?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Good job. They almost had me fooled,” he told zir. He hoped a little flattery like that might make zir go a little easier on him. Judith certainly looked pleased. The room was ridiculously stuffy and he tried to wipe beads of sweat from his forehead, but his arms were still tied to the chair. Out of desperation he asked, “Can I have some water?”

“Sure. With ice?”

“Yes, please,” he coughed.

“Right away,” zie said, all sweetness and light, and for a moment he almost believed zir.

“I’m not getting any water, am I?” he asked resigned.

“No.”

Judith stood up and he flinched as zie came around the table again. He tried to lean away but the restraints held him tight. Judith reached him and grabbed his head again. This time, instead of pulling it back, zie smashed it forwards into the table. He screamed as his nose shattered. Blood spurted down his face, as his head was dragged up again.

“When are you going to learn?” zie asked, “we can do whatever we want to you.” Zie let go and went around the table to sit down.

“This is because I punched you earlier, isn’t it?” he asked. Judith seemed even more violent than the average Time Agent.

“Partly,” zie admitted, “that did really hurt. It’s also because I enjoy it. That and the higher ups are sick of you always escaping. They want answers so they sent me because they know I get them. Now, we could do this all day or you could tell me what I want to know. So, how do you plan to escape?”

“I’ll never tell you,” he said defiantly.

“That’s a shame,” zie said with a mocking sigh, “you’re putting blood all over my lovely table. Do you want a tissue before our next round?”

“Yes,” he nodded enthusiastically, but zie stood up as he quickly yelled, “No! Wait!” Zie just ignored him, and punched him in his (already broken) nose. He screamed again as his head cracked against the chair behind him. It came away sticky and wet with blood. However, while he’d screamed, he thought he’d heard another noise that could mean salvation. He was breathing heavily and his ears were ringing as he glanced up, and found that he’d been right, much to his relief.

“All right, all right, I’ll tell you everything,” he said trying to distract Judith so that she wouldn’t see.

“That’s better,” zie smiled, sitting back in zir seat. Zie didn’t even glance at the corner of the room where a darkened figure could just be made out behind a faulty cloaking device. “Now, what exactly is it you think you’re doing in the past and how do you keep escaping our custody?”

“I have no plan,” he babbled as the figure slowly moved closer to Judith, “I don’t know what I’m doing. I escape each time because I have a partner who comes and gets me.”

“There you go! That wasn’t so hard, was it?” zie said and he shook his head, “tell me, why do you keep bothering that poor guy from the past?”

“Because I have no friends?”

“You’re a real sad case,” zie almost sounded disappointed. Zie stood up, making the figure behind zir freeze, but all zie did was reach across the table to undo one of the straps on zir prisoner’s arm, allowing him to move it. Then zie passed him some paper and a pen, “Just write down where I can find your partner and we’ll stick you in the cells.”

Zie heard a sound behind zir, and half-turned around, when the prisoner yelled, “I’ll write it down! Just stop hitting me.” Zie rolled zir eyes and sat down watching him as he wrote on the paper then passed it to zir.

“Behind you, arseface…” zie read, then looked up at him, “behind you arseface?”

The figure behind zir stepped fully into view. He hit Judith in the back of the neck with a small electric device that sent a wave of power into zir brain, knocking zir out cold.

“Behind you, arseface,” the figure said with a laugh. The unburnt half of his face twisted in an unhinged smile.

“What the _fuck_ took you so long?” the prisoner asked his future self.

“Relax. You’ll know soon enough,” he said, still laughing as he untied his past self. Then the smile faded from his face as he made the effort to concentrate for once, “I… I remember… Raph will complain to you about… whatever I did that made me take so long?”

He felt a mixture of revolution and pity for his future self. He’d never been able to find out in advance what had happened in his double’s past (his future) that had made him the way he was. His future self would just giggle whenever he asked. He _really_ had to find a way of saving the world that didn’t involve him becoming like that.

“I’m sure you’re right,” he told his future self as his double handed him his coat and time machine.

His double looked around aimlessly before asking, “Do you know what you’ve got to do?”

“Yes, I’m going to escape,” he answered, attaching his time machine to his wrist he looked up at his future self, “what about you?”

“I’m going to smoke my cigarettes,” he looked around until he caught sight of Judith, and he smiled again as if he’d only just remembered zie was there, “she’s pretty. Can I take her back with me?”

“First of all, it’s _zie_ , not she, and secondly NO. Are you mad?” It was a bit of a pointless question really. One look at his future self’s insane eyes was enough to answer that question.

“Okay, okay,” his double said sullenly, “I was just asking.”

“Good, now get back to your own time period before we get caught!”

His double fiddled with his own time machine and was about to disappear when he looked up again and said, “I just remembered. I broke the messenger. I left him in the sewer not far from the lab.” Then he smiled again and started laughing, “I can’t remember why I used to care so much. When I was you, why did I care so much about saving everyone?”

He didn’t bother to answer his future self and instead used his recovered time machine to disappear. His double looked at the place that his past self had just been standing, and then shrugged and said, “It doesn’t matter. You’ll be me soon enough. Maybe I’ll remember why it was so important next time.” [A moment later he was gone too.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14IRDDnEPR4)

 

[1] Sir’ram is a gender neutral mix of sir and ma’am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of interest, is anyone still reading this? If so are you enjoying it or do you have any constructive criticism? I’d love to know what you think of this fan fic.


	7. Chapter Six: The Killer Robots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did it that the Visitor’s future self so long to rescue him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my sister who betaed this for me.  
> This will be the last update for a while because, on Saturday, I’m going camping for two weeks.

Raph hadn’t seen the Visitor in a few months. At first, he’d expected the Visitor to jump out at any moment and but he hadn’t. Much as it annoyed him he’d worried about what had happened to the other man after he’d been dragged away. If Mattéo was anything to go by, Raph would have been scared of being taken prisoner by the Time Patrol too.

However, as time had gone by, he’d remembered all the times the Visitor had messed with his life and had decided that he probably deserved whatever punishment he got. After all, the Time Patrol seemed like a sort of Time Police force. An institution like that wouldn’t do anything too bad to their prisoners, would they?

Without the Visitor’s constant interference, Raph’s life had slowly started to return to normal. His arm was no longer in a sling and his neck was finally out of its brace. He’d been able to see Tim and Leo a few times without interruption. Thanks to the time off he’d taken off due to his injuries, he’d even managed to get up to date with his college work.

He was just getting ready to go out and see his friends again when the phone rang.

“Hello?” he said picking it up.

He heard a dial up tone and then a recorded message said, “Please hold, someone from the future is trying to reach you.” Raph quickly put the phone down but it started ringing again. He turned to head for the door when it stopped ringing and his mobile started vibrating in his pocket instead.

Raph sighed. He knew that if he didn’t answer, then the Visitor would just keep calling him until he did. He pulled out his phone and answered it. The dial tone rang and the recorded message played again, “Please hold, someone from the future is trying to reach you. Please hold…” then the recorded message cut off and he heard the Visitor’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Raph!” his voice sounded different than Raph remembered. It sounded rough and painful, as if the other man was slightly struggling to talk. “I need you to help me escape.”

“What?” Raph asked. Surely if the Visitor was calling him, that meant he was already free.

“Well, more specifically, you need to help my past self,” the Visitor told him, “I’m his future self, we need to bring things full circle…”

“I don’t care!” Raph interrupted. He didn’t need this. “Why should I help you after everything you’ve done to me?”

“Because if you don’t, here’s what’s going to happen.”

“Oh God, not another of your stupid long stories about the end of the world. I’m sure you just make them up as you go along.”

“Fine, Mr. Lack-of-Trust, I’ll keep this short then. If you don’t help save my past self, the killer robots that the Time Patrol sent after you will be coming, and I won’t be there to save you.”

“Killer robots?!” Raph squeaked as he almost dropped his mobile in fear, then he coughed and tried to say in a more dignified voice, “why would they send killer robots after me?”

“‘Cause you helped me escape,” the Visitor said, as if Raph was stupid and the answer was obvious.

“I haven’t done anything yet!” Raph yelled, ignoring the Visitor’s tone.

“They’re the _Time_ Patrol. I’m free because _future_ you helped _past_ me escape, so you’re already guilty.”

“What happens if I do nothing? Will the killer robots never be sent?”

“Weren’t you listening?” the Visitor said impatiently, “future you already helped me so they’ll already be on their way but go ahead, if you want. Don’t help me. I know you will eventually, but by then it will be too late for me to save you. Besides, it’s your fault my past self is in jail in the first place. You owe me and if you don’t help me by choice, then I might just decide to leave you to the killer robots.”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” Raph said quickly, “what do I have to do?”

“Last time you saw my past self, he left a coat at your place.”

“It’s been months since then,” Raph said truthfully, then lied, “I moved to a new apartment, I don’t know where it is.”

“I’ll let you handle the killer robots on your own…”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Raph said, still holding the mobile to his ear as he ran to the closet and opened it. Sure enough, the coat was just where the Visitor had left it months ago. “Oh look! I’ve found it!”

“In the left inside pocket, there’s a device that looks like an MP3 player,” Raph searched the pocket and pulled it out, “but don’t be mistaken, it’s not an MP3 player. It’s my time machine.”

“I’ve got it. What now?”

“Press the middle button.” Raph pressed it and the time machine started beeping, slowly at first and then quicker.

“It’s beeping.”

“Put the device back in the coat and put the coat on the ground, quickly!” Raph did as instructed and threw the coat on the ground, moments before the time machine activated and the coat disappeared.

The phone went dead. “Hello?” Raph said into it, not sure if getting an answer was worse than not getting one, “hello?” He almost screamed when he heard the sound of a time machine behind him and someone grabbed his shoulder.

He spun on the spot and stumbled back when he saw the Visitor’s face. He’d always been covered in scars, scratches and bruises, but now half his face was burnt almost beyond recognition. The eye on the unburnt half of his face darted around the room quickly in a slightly unfocused way. His clothes were even more ragged than normal.

“What happened to you?” Raph asked, genuinely worried about him for a moment.

“What?” the Visitor asked confused, then his face cleared and he grinned, “oh, you mean my face?” Raph nodded, “It’s been like this for… years?”

“But it wasn’t like that last time I saw you.”

“Did I forget to mention? That happened years ago for me.”

“But you made it sound like saving you was urgent!” Raph said angrily.

“It was, killer robots, remember?” he grabbed Raph’s hand and dragged him towards the kitchen, “now, follow me. They’re coming.”

“Not to kill me, right?” Raph asked, remembering his fear.

“No, those are just cleaning robots,” the Visitor said sarcastically, “of course they’re gonna kill you! So shut up and listen to me if you want to live.” He pushed Raph into a chair at the kitchen table and instructed him, “Take off your shirt.”

Raph started unbuttoning it, and asked, “Why?”

“I accidentally left traceable particles on it,” the Visitor told him, “the robots will be able to track you by them.”

“There,” Raph said and threw his shirt into the far corner of the room, “what now?”

“Put this on,” the Visitor passed him a colander. Raph put it on his head as the Visitor told him, “Metal prevents them from reading your mind.”

The Visitor grabbed a black permanent marker from the table, “Okay, now I’m gonna draw some symbols on your body,” he started scribbling on Raph’s chest and forehead, “if they scan you, they’ll be confused for a few seconds. It might just save your life.”

“How can you…”

“Shush,” the Visitor whispered urgently, “did you hear that?” Raph strained his ears couldn’t hear anything, “they’re already here!” He started dragging Raph from the kitchen.

“Find something yellow. They hate yellow!” he spotted a yellow umbrella by the door and grabbed it, pushing it into Raph’s hands, “this’ll do. Quick, in your bedroom!”

They crept in as quickly as they could. The Visitor closed the door behind him. “Open the umbrella,” he instructed and Raph did as he was told.

“What now?”

“Now, look at me and smile,” the Vistor said pulling out a phone and aiming it at Raph, “say cheese.” He took a photo and then started fiddling on his phone while Raph stood there not knowing what was happening.

“There! I tagged you on Facebook, dickhead. That’s for sending me to jail.”

Raph finally caught a glance of himself in the mirror and realised that he looked ridiculous. The word ‘dickhead’ had been scribbled across his forehead, and ‘loser’ covered his stomach.

“YOU BASTARD!” he screamed, realising what the Visitor had done.

The Visitor started laughing.

“Oh, learn to take a joke and don’t give me up to the Time Patrol next time. Besides, _killer robots,_ really Raph? Grow up, this is real life, not Sci-Fi.” His good eye suddenly lost focus as he said to himself, “Now it’s free time! I’ve got to free myself,” he giggled childishly, “that’s a good one. _Free time_!”

[He pressed a few buttons on his time machine and disappeared leaving Raph stood alone feeling an imbecile.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9IfHDi-2EA)


	8. Chapter Seven: Four Paracetamol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph meets his new neighbour. Henry wakes up to find that the Visitor has escaped from the Time Patrol.

Raph heard the doorbell ring and debated not answering. It probably wasn’t Tim or Leo. In the month since the Visitor had posted the photo of Raph online, it had gone viral and Raph had stopped going out. Everywhere he went people laughed at him. It didn’t help that the faded word ‘dickhead’ was still just visible on his forehead. Tim and Leo had given up calling to see if he wanted to join them doing anything.

In the last two weeks he’d barely left the settee; he’d stopped gelling his hair and hadn’t opened the curtains in days. He’d survived by ordering takeaways.

The doorbell rang again and with a resigned sigh he got up from the couch and went answer it. When he opened it, he found a pretty woman he didn’t know standing in the corridor. She had long red hair and brown eyes.

“Hi, I’m Judith,” she said, smiling. She held out her and he shook it slightly bemused. “I’m your new neighbour. I just moved into the apartment opposite yours and I thought I’d introduce myself.”

“My friends call me Raph,” he told her.

“Nice to meet you, Raph,” then she frowned slightly, “you have the word dickhead on your forehead.”

Raph pulled his hair down, trying to cover the offensive word. “Sorry about that. It’s umm…” he floundered, trying to think of an excuse that didn’t make him sound insane, before saying, “a friend’s stag night got out of hand. Apparently he thought this was funny.”

“He doesn’t sound like a very good friend,” she told him.

“He’s not,” he muttered dejectedly.

“Well, I’ll see you later, I guess,” she said, giving him a small smile, “I’ve got unpacking to do. I hope you find some better friends, Raph.”

“See you,” he said, as she went back to her own apartment.

After she’d closed her door and disappeared, he had a moment of l’esprit de l’escalier[1] when he realised he should have offered to help her unpack. Raph wondered if he should follow her and ask her now or if that would be creepy. He looked down at his crumpled clothes and after a quick sniff of them decided not to follow her.

Raph closed the door and the room suddenly seemed too dark. He opened the curtains and then the window for good measure before heading for the bathroom. He really needed a wash.

* * *

 

Henry woke with a start. He looked around groggily until he recognised his surroundings. He was slumped in a chair in the lab/home he shared with his friend. How had he gotten there? The last thing he remembered was finding the future version of his friend and convincing him to save his past…

Henry sat bolt upright calling out his friend’s name in a panic.

He heard a noise that was between a grunt and a groan. His head spun around and he gave a small sigh of relief when he saw his friend slumped by the computer, in the room’s other chair. However, his relief was short lived as he noticed the condition his friend was in.

His friend’s nose was clearly broken and his head was hung forwards, as if he was half asleep. From the angle that his friend’s head was at, Henry could see that the back of it was covered in dried blood. After a moment, he looked up at Henry with eyes that struggled to stay open.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” he said smiling. His hand slipped from the keyboard it had been resting on as he attempted to stand up. He only made it halfway before falling backwards again with a groan of pain. “Think I’ll … nap now.”

“No, stay awake,” Henry instructed, jumping up and hurrying over. He didn’t notice the wires that hung from the computer and trailed to where he’d just been sitting.

“Just a few minutes. ’M tired,” his friend told him, “head hurts.”

“I need to check out your injuries,” Henry told him, “why didn’t you wake me?”

“Did wake you,” his friend said irritable, trying to focus, “had to find you, drag you back… get you up. You stupid… listening to future me when… zombies about,” he mumbled confusedly, his eyes sliding shut.

“No, NO!” Henry said urgently, “stay awake.”

His friend forced his eyes open, “Sorry, I’m awake. Just tired.”

Henry grabbed a small torch and shone it first in his friend’s left eye and then his right. He was relieved that both of then contracted in the light. He examined the back of his friend’s head and was glad to find that, although the hair was matted in dried blood, the skull didn’t appear to be fractured.

He turned and fetched a small sphygmomanometer[2] and a stethoscope from a cupboard and hurried back to his friend. As he attached the sphygmomanometer to his friend’s wrist he asked, “Do you remember who you are?”

“I’m the guy who’s going to save the world,” his friend said, rolling his eyes. Henry smiled. His friend obviously wasn’t in that bad of a state if he was answering like that.

“And how about me? Do you remember who I am and where we met?”

“I’m tired, not suffering from amnesia,” he said.

“Just answer the question,” Henry said in frustration, as he put in the ear pieces of the stethoscope. Henry opened his friend’s shirt and put the stethoscope to his heart.

“You’re Henry and you help me save the world,” his friend sighed. He blinked and made the effort to concentrate. “We… met in necrophilic prison. I helped us stay hidden from the necrophilic guards, while you reverse-engineered a teleporter out of a broken one and an MP3 player. Somehow the teleporter ended up being a time machine too. We escaped and decided to save the world using your invention.”

“What year did we meet?”

“Henry, I’m no good with dates even when my head hasn’t been used as a battering ram.”

“Fair point,” he removed the stethoscope and checked the sphygmomanometer, “your heart rate is a little faster than normal and your blood pressure is a little high but I think you’ll be okay.”

“Good, I told you so. Can I _please_ rest now?”

“In a minute,” Henry wet a clean cloth and gently cleaned the back of his friend’s head.

He wished, not for the first time, that he could take his friend to a real hospital, with proper medical doctors. However, there were no working hospitals left anymore and he didn’t dare risk taking his friend to one in the past. Instead, he had to make do with getting four paracetamol and filling a mug with water, which he passed over to his friend. “Take these and then you can sleep. I’ll set your nose tomorrow and you can tell me what happened.”

“Thanks,” he friend said with a grateful smile. He dry swallowed the pills, not bothering with the water, closed his eyes and fell instantly sleep where he sat.

Henry sighed, put one arm under his friend’s knees and the other supported his back as Henry lifted him up. Henry carried him to the bed and led him down as gently as he could.

As an after thought, Henry removed the time machine off his friend’s arm and hid it in a biscuit tin at the back of a cupboard. When his friend woke, he’d tell him that it had been lost or broken. The few days it would take Henry to make a new one would give his friend a chance to rest and recover a little bit.

“Sometimes, I wish you would just accept the world the way it is and stop all this,” he told his sleeping friend sadly, “one day I won’t be able to patch you up. [You’re going to get yourself killed and I think that might just kill me too.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnqYwcuIjPM)

 

[1] L’esprit de l’escalier has no direct English translation. The closest translation is ‘staircase wit.’ It’s the moment after a conversation or argument when you think of the thing you should have said.

[2] Blood pressure meter


	9. Chapter Eight: Apple and Blackberry Crumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph gives his neighbour a crumble and Henry helps realign the bones in the Visitor’s broken nose.

Chapter Eight- Apple and Blackberry Crumble

“Hi Raph,” Judith said, smiling as she opened the door.

“Hey Judith. I just wanted to see how you were settling in,” Raph smiled. It had be two days since she’d first knocked on his door and it’d made the world of difference. He’d shaved, gelled his hair, got some clean clothes on and even tided his apartment a bit. He held out a shop bought apple and blackberry crumble which he’d put on a plate. “I made you this to welcome you to the building and as a sort of apology for our first meeting. I wasn’t in the best mood at the time, so sorry if I didn’t come across very well.”

“Well, aren’t you a sweetie?” she said taking it from him. She turned and put the crumble down on a table then came back saying, “Thank you, and don’t worry about it. If one of my friends had written on my head I’d have been in a bad mood too.”

“Yes well I’m sorry anyway,” slightly disappointed at not being invited in.

“Tell you what,” Judith said, “I’ve just finished eating so I’m not hungry right now but if you come by for lunch tomorrow, at about 12:30, you can help me eat some of your lovely crumble.”

“That would be… I’d _love_ to!” he said, a little too enthusiastically. He coughed to cover it and then said, “Sure, that sounds like fun. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“I look forward to it. Goodbye Raph.”

“Goodbye.”

Once she’d closed the door Raph punched the air in triumph. Maybe he had a chance with her after all.

* * *

 

“Ow, ow, OW!” he moaned, as Henry did his best to set his broken nose using spare bits of  straight metal from his experiments.

“Don’t be such a baby and hold still,” Henry lightly chastised his wriggling friend, realigning the bones and using the metal as a splint to hold them in place until they healed.

“Oh I’m sorry that my broken nose is painful,” he said sarcastically, “is a little sympathy too much to ask for?”

“You’ll have my sympathy when you hold still so I can help you.”

“Fine!” he said and gripped the arms of his chair tighter, only flinching slightly as Henry finished straightening his nose.

“There,” Henry declared, “As long as the bones stay aligned your nose should heal properly.”

“Thanks Doc,” his friend said, and then grinned cheekily, “do I get a lollipop?”

“Hahaha. Hold my sides, I think they’re splitting,” Henry said in a deadpan voice. Then it was his turn to smile, “I might not have any lollipops to offer you but I can kiss it better, if you like.” His friend blew him a kiss and they both laughed.

“Shouldn’t you be working on making me a new time machine?”

“I’ll get round to it,” Henry told him, “I didn’t even know you’d lost your last one until you woke up an hour ago.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” his friend said guiltily, “I really don’t know where I could have lost it. I mean, future me gave it when I was in custody and then I came back here using it. I don’t know where it’s gone.”

“You probably didn’t attach it to your arm properly and it got lost during your trip back,” Henry said trying not to glance guiltily at the cupboard he’d hidden it in. He didn’t like lying but it was only for his friend’s own good. If Henry just gave him back the time machine he’d be off with it again in no time. At least this way Henry could make sure he had a few days rest. As an added bonus he’d also have a spare time machine to hand if they ever needed one in an emergency. “I shouldn’t worry about it. If it did fall off during the journey, the time energy will have burnt it out and it’ll be useless.”

“That can happen?”

“Of course. You know it can,” Henry said in surprise. Then the penny dropped, “You still haven’t read the instructions, have you?”

“I started them!” his friend said, turning red.

“I don’t know why I bother, I really don’t,” Henry shook his head, “I’ve tried to tell you how the time machine works a dozen times and you never listened, so I wrote you a set of instructions and you didn’t even bother to read them.”

“I’m sorry,” his friend said, “I’ve tried to read them but every time I do I’ve always got to make another trip to the past.”

“No you don’t!” Henry said trying not to yell, “it’s a time machine! You could travel back now or a year from now and you’d still get there at the same time. If you don’t know how it works, what are you going to do the next time you accidentally put it on stand-by? What are you going to do if you accidentally hit the reset button and get stuck in the past?” Henry’s voice was getting louder. He knew that he was getting unreasonably angry but he didn’t care, “You never stop to think. Instead, you always run off like there’s this big rush and one of these days it’s going to get you killed!”

“Henry, I…” his friend started to say, shocked at his outburst.

“Do you think I like watching you come back like this?” Henry said quieter, his voice breaking slightly, “I didn’t know if you were going to fall unconscious or slip into a coma last night, and if you had I probably wouldn’t have been able to save you. The risks you take are bad enough; you don’t need to add to them by not at least reading the damn instructions.”

Henry was breathing heavily and his friend didn’t say anything for a moment. Finally he said, “I’m not going to die anytime soon. We’ve both met future me,” he suppressed a shudder, “so I’ll be around for a while yet. I’m sorry that I never read the instructions. I’ll read them now.”

“Well… good,” Henry said starting to feel foolish, “I’ll… start working on a new time machine then.”

Henry turned, hiding his face, and headed to his work bench where he started to gather the materials necessary to build a new time machine. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his friend pick up the instructions and start reading.

After a few minutes of work Henry asked, “You going to tell me what happened then?”

“Not much to tell really,” he said, looking up from reading, “when he was asked, Raph told a time officer that I was a time traveller. I got dragged to the Time Partrol’s time period. First they tried to convince me I was mad, and when that didn’t work they resorted to violence. I got _interviewed_ ,” he made quotation makes with his fingers, “by a particularly violent time agent called Judith. Then future me turned up with my time machine and I came back here. That’s about it really,” he concluded and then he remembered, “oh and by the way, the Time Patrol now have at least one Casta-bot.”

Henry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Great, just fucking great, that’s _just_ what we needed. I wish I’d never made those self-deluded toaster-heads. They were meant to help rebuild the world and make things better but instead they just get reprogrammed to follow the whims of any Pierre, Paul or Jacques[1] who find them. God knows what the Time Patrol will do with one.”

“We’d never have met if you hadn’t made them,” his friend said, “I’d probably have died in necrophilic prison[2].”

“Well, I guess some good came out of them then,” Henry said with a sigh. His friend tried to stifle a yawn behind him. “Get some sleep,” Henry told him, “you need time to recover, and this will take a few days to make anyway.”

“’K,” his friend said as he made the short journey to the bed, before collapsing in it and falling almost instantly asleep.

Henry shook his head. He knew that his friend wasn’t really going to read all the instructions in the next few days. Instead, he’d just skim them and hope for the best. He knew that he shouldn’t have shouted, he wasn’t even that upset or surprised that his friend hadn’t read the instructions. He’d just let his worry get the better of him.

With a sigh he got back to concentrating on making a new time machine.

* * *

 

The doorbell rang and Raph woke with a start. He blinked and rolled over look at his bedside clock, it was 10:36am.

“Just a minute!” he called, jumping out of bed and grabbing his crumpled clothes from the floor and putting them on as quickly as he could. He ran to the mirror and quickly styled his hair. Then he ran from his bedroom, closing the door behind him, to the front door. He opened it and found Judith waiting.

“Hi Judith,” he said, slightly out of breath, “sorry to keep you waiting. I was umm… in the bathroom.”

“Can I borrow a bit of milk?” she said smiling, “I forgot to buy some.”

“Sure,” he said, running to get some and coming back with half a carton, “do you need it right now or do you have time to come in for a drink?”

“Sorry, I can’t stay. I’m making lunch but I’ll see you in two hours anyway.”

“Yeah, okay, cool,” Raph said, [“I’ll umm… see you then.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy4HA3vUv2c)

 

* * *

[1] ‘Any Pierre, Paul or Jacques,’ is the French version of ‘any Tom, Dick or Harry.’

[2] The Visitor and Henry were **not** in necrophilic prison for being necrophilias. The _guards_ were necrophilias **not** the prisoners. The future is awful and you really, _really, **really**_ don’t want to end up in prison in the Visitor’s time.

No, I’m not telling you exactly why Henry and the Visitor were in there. However, crimes of other prisoners ranged from murder to littering. Some people were there simply because someone – in what was left of authority – didn’t like the way they looked. The most deranged and violent prisoners were often given jobs as guards while everyone else just tried to survive. Being caught by the Time Patrol is bad but still much better than being sent to the prisons of the Visitor’s time. Being thrown in necrophilic prison was as good as a death sentence.


	10. Chapter Nine: Nyan Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m a scientific genius,” Henry said, “yet looking after you, I feel more like a babysitter.”

Judith laughed, “You’re so funny, Raph. Do you want another slice?”

“Sure,” said Raph. It was going better than expected. Other than Tim and Leo, people didn’t normally laugh at his jokes. He cut another small slice of crumble.

Judith still had some unopened boxes on the counter but other than that, her kitchen was much tidier than Raph’s generally was. He’d offered to help her with the last of the unpacking but she’d declined his offer.

“So where did you live before you moved here?” Raph asked.

“I grew up in Saint-Malo. Have you ever been there?” Raph shook his head, “you should visit it one day. It’s a nice tourist town but my job brought me here. I’m a police officer and they reassigned me.”

“A police officer?” Raph asked, feeling slightly guilty. He always felt ill at ease around law enforcement officers. They made him feel like he’d done something wrong.

“Yes,” she said, rolling her eyes, “but don’t close up on me. Everyone does when I first tell them what I do. Besides, if I did find out you’d broken the law, I think I’d have to let you go because you’re so cute.”

“I’m not closing up. I was just thinking that if I was a criminal, I wouldn’t mind being caught by you,” Raph told her. She laughed again and Raph relaxed, surprised by his own smoothness. “I bet it’s an interesting job.”

“Not really. It’s mostly just paper work,” Judith told him, “anyway, enough about me. Tell me a bit about yourself.”

“I’m just an ordinary guy. I’m studying business at college with my two best friends Tim and Leo.” Raph stopped. He hadn’t talked to either of them in weeks now. He really must remember to give them a call.

“Are either of them the one who wrote on your forehead?”

“No, no,” he waved dismissively over the table, “they’re both okay. We’ve been friends ever since we were in nursery together.”

“Well that’s okay then.”

“Would you like me to show you around the area?” Raph asked, surprising himself with his impulsiveness. He could feel his face starting to burn and quickly added, “so I can show you where everything is and… um stuff. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, that would be great,” Judith said, “you’re the first friend I’ve made here. I could do with some help settling in.”

* * *

 

Henry couldn’t drag out the creation of the new time machine much longer. He’d already managed to stretch a two day job into six. Besides, they were starting to run low on food. Henry didn’t want leave his friend alone in the lab while he braved the sewers outside looking for supplies.

His goggles were pulled down over his eyes as he concentrated on welding the last few connections that would let the machine travel in time. Behind him, his friend was pacing back and forth in the small space like a caged animal.

“Come on, Henry,” he whined, “how much longer is this going to take?”

“I’m almost done and I’ve told you before, you should be resting,” Henry said, not looking up, “stop pacing like that. It’s very distracting and it won’t help you heal.”

“I’m _bored_!” his friend wailed, “and I _am_ healed. I rested for almost three days. I’m ready to go as soon as you get the new time machine working.”

“No, you’re not,” Henry said. He turned the welder off, pushed his goggles up onto his head and looked at his friend. “Your nose is still broken and only yesterday, you got dizzy and fell over.”

“I wasn’t dizzy,” he lied, “I just tripped.”

“I’m a scientific genius,” Henry said, “yet looking after you, I feel more like a babysitter.”

“Then stop treating me like a baby. I’m fine, really I am.”

Henry didn’t bother to dignify his friend with a response. He just shook his head, turned away, pulled his goggles down and started welding again. After another ten minutes, he was finally done.

“It’s ready,” he said, putting down his tools.

“Finally!” he friend said, rushing over and holding his hand out.

“I said, ‘it’s ready,’ not that you’re allowed to travel back yet. I haven’t tested it and you need more time to rest.”

“No, I don’t, and you know it works,” he said, quickly grabbing the time machine and dancing out of reach when Henry tried to get it back, “I’m not stupid, Henry. I know you wouldn’t have said, ‘it’s ready’ if you thought it might blow up. I also know that you could have finished making it a lot quicker if you’d tried. The last one only took three days to make.”

“I worked very hard,” Henry said, not looking him in the eye. He followed his friend trying to get the machine back but his friend just jumped away laughing. “It’s not easy making a time machine, you know, and I don’t exactly have a lot of materials to hand. Now give that back and let me test it.”

“No,” he laughed, “now you can either tell me what Raph’s been up to and when it’s safe to visit him, or I can hope for the best and travel back without your help. And, you know, possibly _die_. Are you sure you could live with that guilt?”

“You’re not going to listen to reason, are you?”

“Nope.”

Henry sat down heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I really don’t like you sometimes, you know that? What are you even planning to do when you get there?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, annoying Raph clearly isn’t working. Last time you travelled, the Time Patrol caught you. It’s even more dangerous than normal to travel back now, because they know who you’re targeting. So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to mess with Raph some more,” he saw the look on Henry’s face, “I’ll only do it a few more times, I promise. Call it revenge. If he hadn’t told the Temporal Officer who I was, I might have escaped.”

“And if you’d told him the truth from the start, then you might not have needed to travel back after the first time,” Henry told him, “all you’re doing is making him hate you more, and each trip increasing your likelihood of being caught again.”

“I know, I know,” his friend sighed, “but since the Time Patrol know that I’m targeting Raph, I think the only way to stop him and save the world might be to kill him and… I don’t want to.” He’d always known it might one day be the only option, however despite himself, he couldn’t help slightly liking Raph. “I can’t tell him the truth anymore. If the Time Patrol discovers my plan, you know they’ll do anything to protect the timelines. I’ll mess with him a few more times to see if it changes anything. Then, if it doesn’t, I’ll try something more drastic, I promise.”

“Okay,” Henry said reluctantly, “if that’s what you need. All I ask is that you wait another day before you go back. I’m worried about you.”

“I can’t wait any longer Henry,” his friend said, his face slightly apologetic, “I’m going stir-crazy here. I need to be out doing something. Please, just tell me when it’s safe to visit Raph.”

Henry sighed again in resignation, “For about a month after you were captured, he just did normal stuff while his arm healed. According, to his diary he felt a bit guilty for letting them take you. Then, as far as I can tell, future you turned up. I don’t know what future you did but then there’s just a month of him writing, ‘I hate my life.’ Then he stops updating. I’d say visit him after he stopped updating, rather than when his diary had more anxiety then normal. Around the end of August 2014 should be safe, I hope.”

“Thanks Henry!” he was already typing in the coordinates.

“Please, don’t go yet,” Henry said, even though he knew it was pointless, “have you at least read the instructions?”

“Of course I have,” he lied and disappeared.

* * *

 

Raph was sat at his kitchen table, drinking to forget the events of yesterday. Showing Judith around had been going well until someone recognised him from his photo and started laughing. After that a bunch of teenagers had followed them for a bit. Raph put his head in his hands and shuddered at the memory.

Still, he thought, it could have been worse. Judith had put up with it better than he’d expected. For one thing, she hadn’t joined in laughing at him. That thought made him feel slightly better. He was reaching for another can of beer when he heard the sound of a time machine, and his mood dropped again.

There was the sound of something connecting with the underside of his table and he heard the Visitor mutter, “Shit,” as he crawled out from underneath, rubbing his head.

The Visitor got to his feet while Raph glared at him. He looked better than the last time Raph had seen him. Half of his face was no longer burnt but his nose looked as if it had been broken and the bones where being held in place by a frame work of metal. The Visitor took a moment to look at Raph and then yelled, “No! Do not drink that beer!”

“Fuck you,” Raph said, sticking up his middle finger.

“Because if you…” the Visitor started to say, and then stopped and said, “watch your mouth. I’m trying to save the world here.”

“Once and for all, why me?” Raph asked in frustration.

“Why you? I was asked that very same question not long ago. Do you know what I answered?” he asked remembering his interrogation by the Time Patrol. Raph shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I told them. What’s important is that you listen to me.”

“Yeah well last time I did, you humiliated me on Facebook.”

“I did?” he asked, surprised that Henry hadn’t found traces of that. He shook his head and said dismissively, “It wasn’t me, it was my future self. He likes to tease.”

“My picture went viral!” Raph yelled angrily, “I almost became the new nyan cat. My forehead and chest still have dickhead and loser written on them. People laugh every time they see me. How am I ever supposed to impress girls when you keep making me look like a prat?”

“Okay, okay,” he said, annoyed that they were getting off topic, “I’ll tell him off if I bump into him.”

“Where is he?”

“No clue, I’m not his dad.” He preferred to avoid his future self if possible; partly because he didn’t like seeing the insanity of his future, and partly because he was never sure if being in the same room for too long might make the universe explode.

“Unbelievable!” Raph said, “No wonder I’m drinking alone at eleven in the morning.”

“Speaking of which…” the Visitor said, trying to get back on track, “if you drink that beer, here’s what’s going to happen!”

“Whatever it is, I don’t care,” Raph said and pulled the can towards him.

“You usually eat your breakfast cereal with milk,” the Visitor ploughed on. Raph sighed and put down the can, knowing he’d have to listen either way. “But drinking that beer will forever change your habits! You’ll start drinking at all hours of the day and, next week, you’ll accidentally pour beer in your cereal.”

The Visitor paused for dramatic effect. Raph didn’t bother responding. He just waited for his stalker from the future to continue.

“You’ll dig it, and it will become a breakfast staple,” he continued, “soon, beer will no longer have any effect on you. You’ll try vodka with your cereal and you’ll also dig it!”

“I’ll wind up a boozer?” Raph asked his voice bored.

“Not just that!” the Visitor said. Then his voice turned serious, “You’ll fall into drugs. First, soft drugs, then harder drugs. They’ll become less and less effective.”

“Just so you know,” Raph interrupted, “I don’t believe you and I don’t care.”

“Your ability to absorb huge amounts of drugs will be noticed by drug lords,” the Visitor said, ignoring the interruption, “they’ll hire you as a smuggler. You’ll fly in and out of Mexico with twenty pounds of coke hidden up your butt.”

“I OD and die, great,” Raph said reaching for the beer again, “are you done now?”

“Not at all, you don’t OD,” the Visitor said. Raph sighed, put down his beer and let him continue. “Instead, you will retire with the drug money and stop that reckless life. You’ll get married, have kids, get a dog, and become an old schmuck. The kind that spies on his neighbours through the window,” his voice made it clear he thought that Raph should be horrified by this outcome.

“I hate you.”

“And one day…”

“So very much.”

“You’ll tell your daughter,” the Visitor said over the top of Raph. “‘ _You might like Justin Bieber but My Chemical Romance will always be my parade.’_ Can you imagine?”

“So?” Raph asked with a sigh.

“What?” the Visitor said surprised, “are you nuts? Your daughter will be a Belieber!”

“Does it really matter?” Raph asked, getting tired of the conversation, “I’m mean, I don’t like Bieber but…”

“Justin Bieber is a terrible excuse for a role model and most of his fanbase ignore all the awful things he does!” the Visitor told him disgusted.

“Yes, but…”

“I’m out of here. Fucking junkie,” the Visitor said, pressing buttons on his time machine and disappearing.

Raph shook his head and opened his beer just as the Visitor reappeared yelling, “Justin Bieber sucks!” causing Raph to spill it everywhere. [The Visitor disappeared again.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLV4_xaYynY)


	11. Chapter Ten: Time Patrol HQ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry realises that the Time Patrol has got one over on him.

Henry’s fingers tapped out a nervous beat on the desk. He shouldn’t have let his friend go.  He should have stopped him somehow. If his friend was captured again, Henry knew he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

He always hated staying behind in the future while his friend went back alone. In theory it made sense for only one of them to go. If they both went and were caught, there would be no one to save them. That knowledge never made waiting any easier.

After half an hour, Henry picked up one of his robotics books and tried to read it but he had a hard time concentrating on the words. After reading the same sentence three times without it making any impression, he threw the book aside. His fingers recommenced tapping.

Ten minutes later, he heard the sound of the time machine and he breathed a sigh of relief as his friend reappeared. He stumbled slightly and Henry got up to steady him but he was waved away.

“I’m _fine_ , Henry,” he said, rolling his eyes, “I’m just getting used to the new time machine.”

“How did it go?” Henry asked.

“If he ever believed a word I’ve said to him, he doesn’t any more. I think future me _really_ pissed him off.”

“Do you know what he did?”

“Took an embarrassing photo of him and put it online,” he told him, “apparently it went viral. I’m surprised you didn’t find it. Has your Time Web been on the blink again?”

“No more than usual,” Henry said, worried by this latest revelation, “I’ll have to take a closer look at it to make sure…” A thought hit him and Henry slapped his forehead. “Damn! How did I not see this coming?”

“What?” his friend asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” his friend shook his head, “the Time Patrol knows who you’re targeting. I just thought Raph had stopped updating his diary but I don’t think he has! The Time Patrol is somehow blocking my access to information on Raph. My guess is that, in their time, they’ve deleted as much information on him as they can. That way, the information is gone before I’ve even started looking!”

“That’s not good.”

“Bloody Time Patrol,” Henry muttered, throwing up his arms in exasperation, “as if this wasn’t hard enough already!” He turned to his friend. “Give me the time machine. You’re not making any more trips until I’ve found a way around this.”

“But…”

“ **No buts!** ” Henry yelled. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout but I’m serious; you’re not going back until I’ve worked out what to do.”

His friend reluctantly took off the time machine and handed it over, “Does it really make that much difference? I’ve travelled back with very little information before. I know when and where Raph will be. That’s a lot more information than we had not so long ago.”

“Yes, it makes a difference,” Henry told him, “the Time Patrol will have read the information before deleting it. That means, if Raph writes about any of your future visits, the Time Patrol will have a date and time. They can be waiting for you before you’ve even arrived!”

“Okay, okay, I’ve got it,” his friend said, “I won’t visit Raph for now but can I still travel back to somewhere or sometime else? They won’t be expecting it. I didn’t get any food while I was there. I could go back to England or America and get pizza.”

Henry stopped and thought about it for a moment before saying with a sigh, “No, I don’t think you should risk it. They’ve managed to be a step ahead of us and there’s no way to be sure they won’t know about that trip too.”

“I doubt it,” his friend said, “and think about it this way - _pepperoni_.”

“Nice try,” Henry said with a small smile, “but the answer is still no.”

“So once the stuff I bought last time runs out, we’re stuck eating cat food again?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“But we’re running low on alcohol!”

“Then you’ll just have to make do without it.”

“Fine,” he said with a sigh, “just hope you find a solution soon.”

Henry nodded and went over to the computer. Then he turned it on and started looking for an answer. His friend sat down grumpily at the table. He pulled out a dog-eared pack of cards and started playing solitaire.

* * *

 

Henry’s fingers tapped an unhappy beat on the desk. He’d been searching for a way around what the Time Patrol had done for a week with no success. They had done too good a job deleting information on Raph.

If the data had been recently removed, Henry could have searched for traces and reconstructed most of it. However, the Time Patrol had deleted the information in their own time, probably the end of the 21st century or the start of the 22nd. This meant that it had been gone for over three centuries. Henry had done everything he could but there was no trace left on what remained of the internet.

He glanced over at his sleeping friend and debated with himself. It hadn’t taken him so long to realise that if he wanted any information on Raph without travelling back, he’d have to get it from the Time Patrol’s old HQ. They’d had a closed system as well as printed records. It was just possible that the building still had those records.

However, going there would be very dangerous. Henry didn’t know if the building was abandoned, sheltering survivors or infested with zombies, or even if it was still standing. The main headquarters had been on the surface, instead of underground. It was possible, if not likely, that it was at least partly demolished. That meant anyone visiting it would be exposed to the elements. The acid rain and toxic winds could cause a very painful death.

However, Henry couldn’t think of another way. He knew his friend was getting impatient and would travel back sooner or later no matter what Henry said and he wasn’t going to let him into a trap.

Henry sighed in resignation. He looked over at his friend again and wondered if he should wake him and tell him what he was planning. Almost instantly, he decided that was a bad idea. His friend would only want to go instead of him. However, even if Henry would have being willing to let his friend make the journey – and he wasn’t – his friend didn’t have the technical know-how to find the information if it was encrypted.

Henry stood up and started gathering materials. He collected his Time Web, some screwdrivers, lock picks, a decoder, a memory stick, a torch and a gun. He put everything into an old backpack. Then he went over to the table, got a pen and paper and started writing a short message.

_Gone to the Time Patrol’s old headquarters to see what information they have on Raph. I’ve taken the time machine to get there. That way I can teleport in and out, and you can’t follow me._

Henry paused before writing.

_If I’m not back in 24 hours, something has gone wrong and I’m dead. There’s a spare gun in the desk drawer. You’ll just have to make do with cat food. Don’t let the zombies bite and if you do anything too stupid, I swear I’ll haunt you from beyond the grave._

_See you soon,_

_P.S. Yes, I know this is a stupid thing to do and if you’d tried it I would kill you._

He wondered if he should add a bit to the letter about the spare time machine in the cupboard but decided not to. If he didn’t come back then there would be no one to save his friend if he got into trouble again.

Henry put the letter under his friend’s mug so that he would find it in the morning. He put the time machine on his wrist, pulled the backpack on, picked up and opened a strong umbrella. [Then, with one last look at his friend, he typed in the coordinates of a spatial not temporal trip and disappeared.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrbv40ENU_o)


	12. Chapter Eleven: Temporal Loops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visitor worries about Henry and tries to find a way to help him.

The time traveller woke with a start and instantly knew that something was wrong. He thought he’d heard the sound of his time machine being activated, but Henry had taken his away for the time being.

That was when he realised that the lab was too quiet. He sat up and looked around and was struck by how empty the room was.

“Henry?” he called uncertainly but there was no answer. Not that he’d really expected one. Apart from himself, the room was clearly deserted.

He felt a stab of panic then pushed it away. Henry must have left the lab while he was asleep and gone looking for food. There was no reason to feel worried. Unlike the time traveller, Henry couldn’t be harmed by the zombies that roamed the sewers.

Despite trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong, he still felt uneasy. He got out of bed, knowing he wouldn’t be falling asleep again, and went to make himself a coffee. He put the kettle on then went to fetch his mug from the table.

When he saw the note underneath, his heart missed a beat. He pulled it out and quickly read it. His face drained of blood.

“You idiot,” he breathed in horror, rereading the letter as if hoping its message might change, “What under earth[1] made you do a stupid thing like that?”

He knew that he’d been pushing Henry to let him visit Raph again but he always did that. He hadn’t expected Henry to do something this stupid and dangerous. That was _his_ job and even he wouldn’t have used the time machine to go somewhere that potentially hazardous. Henry was supposed to be the sensible one. What could he possibly have been thinking?

He started pacing the room, clutching the letter to his chest, worried and confused. He wasn’t used to being left behind while someone else faced danger. Was this how Henry felt whenever he went somewhere or sometime dangerous, he wondered.

By taking the time machine, Henry had effectively ensured that he couldn’t be followed. There was no chance he could get there the long way any time soon. The Time Patrol’s old headquarters were situated on the other side of Paris. It would take days to travel the distance using the sewers while trying to avoid zombies.

He stopped pacing. Henry would be fine, he decided. After all, he was a genius and many of the physical dangers that would have threatened the time traveller wouldn’t harm Henry.

He’d wait a few hours and then Henry would come back safe and sound. They’d joke about this as if it was no big deal and he’d tell Henry that he no longer had the right to complain about any of the stupid stuff he did.

He went back to the table and sat down, trying not to worry.

* * *

 

_Three hours later_

He made himself a coffee and drank it while it was still too hot. He concentrated on the feeling of it burning his throat.

He looked at the clock, slowly ticking and hoped Henry would hurry up.

* * *

 

 

_Another three hours later_

He _wasn’t_ getting worried. Henry was fine. Hacking and scanning the internet always took Henry a long time. He was probably working really hard.

* * *

 

_Yet another three hours later_

He spent a few minutes looking for the can opener and a few more forcing down cat food. He tried not to think about the fact that, if Henry had gone offline, there would be nobody to help him.

 _Please, don’t look at your arm_ , he thought.

* * *

 

_Three hours later again_

He’d waited half a day and there was still no sign of Henry. He’d wait another three hours. Then, if Henry still hadn’t come back, he’d go find his future self and trade for his time machine. Then he’d check on Henry’s progress and be yelled at for getting in the way.

* * *

 

_Two hours fifty-nine minutes later_

_Time’s up, Henry,_ he decided. He went to the desk drawer, picked up their spare gun and collected five packets of cigarettes and a lighter.

He never smoked. He knew it was one of the traits of his future self and he didn’t want to risk doing anything to speed up the future where that was him. However, they always kept several packs in the lab so that they could do business with future him.

He left the lab, closing the door behind him, and went looking for his future. He started out by circling the lab in slowly widening circles. The sewers seemed unusually deserted; he didn’t even see any zombies as he continued to search. After half an hour he finally saw his future self, at the cross section of one of the sewers limping left.

He ran to the cross section and called after himself but his future self had already disappeared around the corner. He was just about to follow when he heard a voice from the other direction.

“What?”

He span on the spot and saw his future self sat in a small crevice.

“Weren’t you just going the other way?” he asked confused.

“That was past me,” he turned so that the time traveller could see the burnt half of his future self’s face. He took an involuntary step back. “He’s an ass. He wouldn’t give me a light,” he held up an unlit cigarette, “so I kicked him.” His face suddenly broke into a mad smile and he laughed saying, “I forgot it was past me, from only tomorrow. I’ve got a huge bruise on my leg. I’m an idiot. Maybe, when he’s me, he’ll remember I was him not long ago and he’ll give me a light.”

The time traveller didn’t bother trying to work out exactly what his future self meant. Thinking about temporal loops always gave him a headache. He just nodded.

“I’ll give you a light and another pack of cigarettes,” he said and his future self smiled happily, “but I want something in return.”

“What?”

“Your time machine,” he said, worried that his future self wouldn’t be willing to part with it.

“This thing?” he pulled an old battered time machine off his arm, “sure, I got two anyway.”

“You’ve got two?” he asked surprised, “how?”

The good side of his future self’s face shifted as if it was a great effort to remember, “Found it… past me,” he nodded down the sewer, in the direction other him had gone earlier, “finds it in the rubbish tomorrow.” He pulled another time machine out of his pocket and showed it to him. “It works. I came back here with it to check.”

“Hey! That’s mine!” he said in surprise, recognising it as the one he’d lost and Henry had needed to replace. He wondered how it had ended up in the rubbish.

“Well, it’s mine now,” future him said, “finders, keepers. Once you give me those cigarettes and the lighter, you can have the old crappy one.”

“Fine,” he said, deciding he had more important things to worry about. He gave his future self the lighter and cigarettes and got the old time machine in exchange.

“Nice doing business with you,” future him said. He lit one of the cigarettes and the time traveller started to cough as smoke filled the air. He decided that he’d check the lab to see if Henry was home and if he wasn’t he’d follow him. He was turning to leave when future him asked, “Why’d you want it anyway?”

“I think Henry’s in trouble. He took my time machine and I need yours to follow him quickly.”

“Henry?” for a moment the time traveller thought he saw concern flicker in his future self’s face eyes but then it was gone, “so get a new one.”

[He turned and left without another word.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1y2SIIeqy34)

 

 

* * *

[1] Because they live in sewers, in the Visitor’s time people say, “What under Earth” instead of, “what on Earth.”


	13. Chapter Twelve: Zombies and Acid Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry explores the abandoned ruins of the old Time Patrol headquarters.

The place that Henry had teleported to was almost pitch black. There must still have been a roof because, although he could hear it pelting down, no rain touched him. He put down the umbrella, pulled his bag off his back, opened it and searched it until he found the torch. He switched it on, and by swinging it around got his first real look at where he was.

The room was large and deserted. There were the remains of a few desks and chairs but they were worn and rusted from being abandoned so long ago. Henry swung the torch around and it hit a window, the glass had been shattered and the acid rain which had come in though the opening had melted a deep hole in the floor. Henry stepped closer, being careful not to get his feet wet, and looked out. He was on the ground floor and the small light from the torch gave him a dim view of the ruined city of Paris.

Henry turned away. He zipped up his bag and slipped it back onto his shoulders. He closed the umbrella and carried it under one arm while pointing the torch ahead of him with his other hand. He set off to explore.

Exiting the room, he found himself in what looked like the foyer. There was something that could once have been a reception desk and a rotting pile that might have been a couch. Henry headed for the counter but there was nothing of use behind it.

That was when he heard a moan. Henry leapt behind the counter, throwing himself on the floor and praying he hadn’t been seen. His torch was under his chest hiding the light. He switched it of.

After a few minutes of silence, he crawled forwards and peeked around the edge of the counter. He could just make out a dark figure lit from behind. The figure was stood still in what had once been the glass atrium and, other than occasionally swaying from side to side, didn’t move. Henry crawled back. As quietly as he could, he pulled off his bag and found the gun inside it. He wouldn’t use it unless he had no other choice. The sound of it would only attract more zombies.

He stayed hidden behind the counter checking every now and again to see if the coast was clear. After an hour and a half, the sun started to rise and Henry got a clear view of the zombie for the first time. The zombie had once been a man in his early twenties. Now he was covered in blood and dirt. His dead grey skin hung loosely from his skeleton form. There was a hole in his left hip caused by teeth and one arm was missing. Henry wondered what would happen if he were to push the zombie into the acid rain outside.

The zombie gave a moan and shuffled away from the light. After it had been gone for five minutes, Henry stood up. The foyer was deserted again. The light of day didn’t help the look of the room. The walls were covered in damp and everywhere was coated in a thick layer of dust.

Clutching the gun like a safety blanket, Henry put the torch away and started to look around properly. Three times he had to stop and hide due to zombies. Luckily none of them smelt or noticed him and once they had wandered off, he continued to search.

A slow, methodical search of the ground floor yielded no useful information. However, he did find a locked room that, with the use of his lock picks, only took a moment to open. Inside he found some old equipment.

Inside he found a time machine, one that Time Patrol had used. He’d never managed to get his hands on one before. The first time machine he’d made had only travelled in time by some fluke. Studying one of the Time Patrol’s ones might help him improve his own. There was also Disguise-O-Mat; a holographic disguise. It could be used to create a hologram around someone, changing the appearance of anything from their clothes to their facial futures. He also found a machine for projecting a hologram into someone’s head. Henry took all three things hoping they’d come in useful one day.

He went back to the foyer and looked up. The ceiling was damp and mouldy and he wasn’t sure it would even take his weight. He looked outside. He could still hear the rain lashing down and the wind blowing. The storm had been going for almost one hundred years now. Henry didn’t suppose it would stop any time soon.

He could either explore the higher floor or those underground, but from records he knew the lower ones only held the cells. There were no stairs to the first floor and Henry knew the lifts wouldn’t work. On the plus side, no stairs probably meant no zombies up there.

He fetched the umbrella and opened it again. Then after pressing a few buttons on the time machine, he teleported to the next floor. The floorboards creaked, but held firm under the weight of the first person to stand on them in over four hundred years.

Henry looked around. There was a hole in the ceiling not far from where he stood. The floor under the hole was slightly wet and eroded but rain wasn’t falling directly though it. He closed the umbrella and put it down. Henry started to explore again. The floor groaned with every other step.

He found the remains of an old Casta-bot. Its joints were rusted with time and clockwork was visible through a hole where its eye right had once been. A closer look showed him that the robot was long past any chance of repair. He left it slumped against a wall, in the corridor he’d found it in.

He found a room full of computers and, after trying them all, he managed to get one to switch on with a boost from his Time Web. He pulled a chair over and sat down but when it collapsed under him, he decided to stand instead.

Henry quickly hacked his way into the mainframe and went into the record section. He typed in Raph’s name, put in the memory stick and started to download all the information.

Henry started browsing the files but he didn’t get very far. There were normal reports but he quickly discovered several files marked as top secret. He tried to look at them but it wouldn’t let him. No matter what he tried, the screen just came up with an _Access Denied_ sign.

He tried to open the files using a back alley code to bypass the data protection, and that’s when he realised that the information was being blocked from a different source. He tried to block the signal. When that failed he ran a trace and found that the signal was coming from the next floor.

Henry groaned. He knew he could go back now if he really wanted. He’d got the basic information. It would probably be enough but the Time Patrol were still managing to hide something from him, despite being gone for over four centuries.

Henry took out the memory stick with the information he’d managed to gather, and headed back to the corridor. He picked up the umbrella, opened it and teleported to the next floor.

He heard the sound of rain hitting the umbrella and jumped away from the hole in the ceiling above him. The floor groaned under him and he felt it shift. He moved further forward just in time to avoid falling though the hole in the floor, which had opened where his feet had just been.

Henry pressed himself against the wall of the corridor breathing hard. He looked down through the hole where he’d just been standing to the collapsed masonry on the floor below and gulped. Then he looked up through the hole in the ceiling. Through it, he could see what was left of the twisted scaffolding that had once been the higher floors. He looked at the umbrella and saw it already had holes eaten into the fabric, but it had managed to keep him dry for the time it took to get out of the acid rain.

He wanted to teleport down or back to the lab, but curiosity had gotten the better of him. Once he had calmed down enough, Henry took a careful step away from the wall. The floor groaned and he froze, but it held.

Stepping carefully and trying to be as light as possible, he went to find the source of the signal. The floor took a long time to explore because he had to avoid both the holes in the floor and ceiling while trying not to cause any more.

Eventually he found what looked like the head office. He went inside and found that the signal was transmitting from a surprisingly well preserved and still running computer. He hacked into the computer. It took him a long time to get around all the fire walls and security, but eventually he turned off the signal and looked for information on Raph.

This time he was able to download all the protected files. One quick look told him they were all coded, but Henry didn’t bother trying to decode them. He could do that in the safety of his own lab.

Henry didn’t bother going to the ground floor. He teleported from the second floor back to the lab. He gave a relieved laugh to be back home and away from danger.

He looked around for his friend to tell him he’d got the information but realised he was alone. [He didn’t have time to worry where he’d gone before he heard a knock on the lab’s door.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNtxkmFpWWk)


	14. Chapter Thirteen- Jazz Waits For No Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Visitor has fun with the Disguise-O-Mat.

“The code is 23805,” Henry said into the speaker. A moment later the door opened and his friend stepped in.

“Henry, you’re okay!” he said happily throwing his arms around him in a tight hug. Henry hugged him back.

“Of course I’m okay.”

“You’re an idiot,” he said smiling, “what were you thinking going to the Time Patrol’s old headquarters?”

“I was just getting information. It’s what I do, remember?” Henry said, “Close the door before you let the zombies in.”

“Right, sorry,” he said, closing it sheepishly.

“What where you doing out there anyway?” Henry asked, “and you hadn’t really forgotten the code already, had you?”

“Noooooo,” his friend said slowly, looking away, “I didn’t forget.”

“Oh my God you did, didn’t you?”

“I can remember it.”

“What’s the code then?” Henry asked, “I told it you less than five minutes ago.”

“Um… it has an 8?”

“Unbelievable,” Henry said shaking his head, “you remember the date of every apocalypse but you can’t remember the year we met. I’m gone for a few hours and you lock yourself out. What would you do without me?”

“Die probably,” his friend said with a shrug and shameless smile, “luckily you’re still here so it looks like I’ll live another day.”

“You still haven’t answered my other question. What were you doing out there?”

“I was bargaining with future me for his time machine so I could come get you,” he held up the time machine and it sparked slightly.

“There’s a reason I didn’t wake you before leaving,” Henry said. He suddenly had a horrible image in his head of his friend falling to his death through a collapsing floor or being burnt by acid rain. “I didn’t need help and I wanted you to be safe for once.”

“You were gone for hours and I was worried.”

“It’s lucky I got back when I did then.”

“Yeah, I didn’t really want to go anyway,” relief was obvious in his voice, “oh by the way, I found out what happened to my old time machine.”

“You did?” Henry said guiltily.

“Yeah, future me has it.”

“What, how?” Henry asked confused, and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the cupboard he’d hidden it in but his friend wasn’t paying attention.

“He said that a past version of him finds it in the rubbish tomorrow and then he travelled back to now with it.”

“Oh… well at least we know what happened to it now,” Henry said.

“Did you find anything then?”

“Hmm?” Henry said, not really paying attention. He’d have to sneak out in the night and hide the time machine in the rubbish, for the future version of his friend to find.

“Did you get what you were looking for,” his friend repeated.

“Oh yes. I downloaded some information on Raph. I still need to check through it though. I also found one of the Time Patrol’s old time machines, a Disguise-O-Mat and a mind hologram projector.”

“Cool! Can I try the Disguise-O-Mat? Last time I was a prisoner, they used one on me to try and make me think I was mad.”

“You can try it once I know that it’s still safe,” his friend’s face fell slightly, “but, since I’ve got the information on Raph, you’ll be able to travel back soon so we can have the last of the beer tonight, if you like.”

“That sounds like fun,” he said, hurrying to find the last bottle and their mugs. Then he said, with his back to Henry, so quietly that he wasn’t sure he’d heard properly, “Please don’t scare me like that again. I’d miss you if something happened.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to me,” Henry reassured him, “I’m a scientist and a scientist is always fine.”

“I know, but I was still worried,” his friend said opening the beer, pouring it and passing a mug to Henry, “future me thought I should find a Casta-bot and replace you if you didn’t come back.”

“He’s forgotten I’m the original again?”

“Maybe,” his friend said with a shrug as he looked away again, “I think he’d have said the same thing either way.”

“I’ll admit, that I’m the best robotics expert the world has ever seen,” Henry said, not bothering to be modest, “but even my creations can’t live up the real thing.”

“No, none of them are you,” his friend said, “but even if you were a robot, I wouldn’t want another Casta-bot because no matter how I programmed it, you’d still be my friend, not them.”

“If I was a robot, I wouldn’t have been your friend in the first place,” Henry said, “they might give a good impression of life but it’s just programming. I created robots, not life.”

His friend didn’t answer for a moment. When he did speak his voice was a little sad. “Then it’s a good thing I met you instead of one of them.”

“Yes,” Henry said taking a swig of the beer, “anyway, I’d better start analysing the data but first give me that time machine. It looks like it might blow up if you tried to use it.”

“Can I have my one back?”

“Once I’ve taken a look at the files,” Henry said, and his friend pouted.

* * *

Henry sat at the computer, reading and attempting to decode the files he’d downloaded on Raph. The encrypted files were proving hard to crack, but he was managing to build a pretty good picture of what he thought would happen if his friend travelled back again.

Behind him, his friend played with the Disguise-O-Mat, laughing as he did so. The first night after Henry had let him use it, he’d made himself look like a zombie and woken Henry as a joke. Henry had screamed and punched him. He still felt bad about his friend’s black eye but he decided that he couldn’t really be blamed, considering the circumstances.

“Okay,” he said, “I know as much as I can.”

“I can go back?” his friend asked, hurrying over.

“Yes,” Henry said, he looked round at his friend and did a double take. He had green eyes, blond hair and a pirate hat on. “Turn that off, would you?”

“Sorry,” his friend said, pressing a button in his pocket and he looked like himself again. He no longer had the metal cast on his nose, as Henry had removed it the day before, “when can I go to?”

“Well no time is really safe anymore, but I think you should be okay if you visit his apartment on August 28th 2014.”

“Got it,” his friend said, and Henry reluctantly handed him the time machine.

“Be careful, okay?”

“I’m always careful,” he said. He pulled out a hand written piece of paper and waved it at Henry. “Besides, I’m already prepared for this trip. Let’s see how he likes it when he’s not listened to.”

* * *

Raph’s face was finally clear of the permanent marker. People seemed to have forgotten about his picture. They were all too busy doing the Ice Bucket Challenge[1].

Raph had just arrived home when he thought he heard a sound coming from the toilet. He opened the door and saw the Visitor sat there.

“Hey!” he yelled indignantly, “I’m taking a dump!”

“Sorry,” Raph said, closing the door without thinking. A moment later his brain caught up with him and he opened it again angrily, “Where do you think you are?”

“You’re out of soap thingy,” the Visitor said, from by the sink as he washed his hands.

“That’s it, I’m calling the cops,” Raph said, fed up. The Visitor’s face twisted in fear and, despite himself, Raph felt bad so he said, “The normal cops, not more crazy time travelling ones.”

The Visitor’s face relaxed slightly. As Raph headed for the phone he called after him, “Wait! We need to talk.”

Raph stopped, “Really? No crazy end of the world story?”

“No, I promise.”

“Okaaaaaay,” Raph said slowly, “but I will call them if you try anything.”

The Visitor went to the living room and sat down on the couch. After a moment Raph joined him.

“Listen, I’ve realized something,” the Visitor said, his voice sad and defeated, “the more I try to change time, the more things go awry, like some kind of butterfly effect.”

“Like that Ashton Kutcher movie?” Raph asked.

“Exactly. What was it called again?”

“The Butterfly Effect,” Raph said.

“Oh yes, I don’t really get to watch movies in the future. Anyway, the point is that I’ve figured out how to solve all our problems. We’ll save the world once and for all. You’ll go on to live a peaceful life,” he paused dramatically and then said with a sob, “but you’ll have to erase me!”

Raph thought about it for a moment then said, “Okay.”

“Take time to think it over!” the Visitor said, sounding slightly surprised at the prompt answer.

“No need,” Raph said. If he didn’t think about it too hard, then he could pretend that erasing someone was okay. Technically, the Visitor wouldn’t have been born and if that happened, Raph wouldn’t remember erasing him so he wouldn’t have done anything wrong. That was how time worked, right? “What do I have to do?”

“I wrote it down,” he said, pulling out a set of instructions and passing then to Raph.

“Awesome!” he said after quickly scanning them, “can we do it right now?”

“No,” he said, “me being there would cause even more paradoxes. You’ll have to do this alone.”

Raph got up without another word and left quickly. Trying not to think about what he was going to do was too hard. He walked the two blocks to the address on the instructions, found the right apartment and was just about to knock when the door opened and someone stepped out.

“Are you…?” Raph started to ask, before he did a double take. The man who’d just stepped from the apartment look uncannily like the Visitor. His hair was brushed instead of messy, his face and body showed no signs or injury, he wore a pair of black glasses, a short brown jacket and a plaid shirt, but his facial features were identical to that of the Visitor.

“May I help you?” the man said, looking at him from down his nose.

“For a second, I thought…” he pushed his doubts away. He pulled out the instructions and started looking for the right bit.

“I’m happy with my religion and I don’t want to buy anything. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go or I’ll be late for my jazz concert.”

“Speaking of which,” Raph said finding his place, “don’t go to that concert because…” he stopped looking at the words the Visitor had written. Then, feeling foolish, he said, “Here’s what’s going to happen.”

“Sorry?” the man said.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Raph said a little louder and read on, “you’ll meet a young woman called Bianca Slate. You’ll think she looks too much like your mother. But after a few drinks, your mother won’t seem so ugly. Then, you’ll offer to walk her home.”

“What’s your point?”

“Hear me out,” he said, feeling stupid as he continued reading, “you’ll walk her home; she’ll offer you a cup of coffee. She’ll ask, ‘How much sugar?’ You won’t take any. She’ll say, ‘I don’t take any either! We have so much in common.’ Then you’ll kiss her and she’ll slip her hand into…” Raph stopped, his eyes widening as he read on. He looked up from the instructions. “The rest is too graphic, but you get the idea.”

“I don’t!” the man said, angry and confused.

“Long story short, you’ll have a kid, who’ll have a kid, who’ll have a kid… etc., etc., and one of these kids builds a time machine and that is very bad.”

“Listen,” the man said, “I don’t know what you think you’re pulling, but my jazz concert starts in 20 minutes. Jazz waits for no man so if you’ll excuse me…” he pushed past Raph.

“No, please!” Raph said desperately, “one of your descendants is making my life miserable! So if you hook up with this girl, think about me.”

“You scoundrel!” he man said outraged, “I’m calling the police!”

“No, no, no, listen to me! Please, I’m begging you!”

The man looked over the top of his glasses and his face split into a grin, “Now you know what it’s like to be taken for a nut.” His appearance shifted before Raph’s eyes and suddenly he was the Visitor.

“It was you all along!” Raph yelled furiously.

“Of course!” he laughed, “you really thought my ancestor looked just like me? That’s stupid!”

“Why are you doing this to me?” Raph asked almost crying.

“I’m trying to save the world,” he said with a shrug. Then his face turned mischievous. “But this and the last visit were revenge for giving me up to the Time Patrol, and to show you what it’s like to be treated like you’re crazy.”

The Visitor’s time machine started beeping and he gave it a worried look, “I’ll see ya later!” [He pressed a few buttons and disappeared.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28htktcco_s)

 

* * *

[1] The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is for the good cause of raising money and awareness of Motor Neurone Disease. It causes a decay of the motor neurones which leads to paralysis and eventual death. There is currently no cure. The money raised will help with research and helping those suffering with the disease and their families get the help and support they need. If you live in the UK, you can donate here <https://www.justgiving.com/4w350m3/donation/direct/charity/311#MessageAndAmount>


	15. Chapter Fourteen: Judith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judith has something to tell Raph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to ramsaysnowofficial (from Tumblr) for suggesting the apocalypse song at the end.

The doorbell rang and when Raph opened it, he saw Judith.

“Hi Raph,” she said, “can I borrow some scissors?”

* * *

Raph had just got back from college and was walking up the stairs when Judith joined him. She was wearing her police uniform.

“Hey Judith. How was your day?”

“Good, thanks. Everyone at the new station seems nice. How about yours?”

“It was okay. The course I’m on is harder than I thought, but I think I’m doing alright.”

“Well if you ever want me to take a look at any of your coursework, I’d love to give a hand.”

“Really?” he asked surprised. She nodded. “That’s really nice of you.”

“Well you’ve been so helpful since I moved in that I want to make it up to you.”

They reached their floor and Raph said, “I think I’m fine at the moment,” as he walked to his door he asked, “do you want to come in for a drink?”

“I’d love to,” she said smiling and he blushed, wishing he had the courage to ask her out, “just let me get changed first, okay? I’ll be back in a minute.” She ran to her apartment. Raph quickly went in his and started tidying up.

Five minutes later Judith joined him, and they started chatted more about their day over a coffee.

* * *

The doorbell rang and Raph opened it to find Judith again.

“Can I borrow some sugar? I’m baking and I need another 50 grams.”

“Sure,” Raph said, getting her a cup of it from the kitchen, “what are you making?”

“Chocolate brownies,” she told him, “one of the officers is being made sergeant and we’re throwing a party after work tomorrow. I’ll save a couple for you though.”

* * *

The doorbell rang and it was Judith again.

“Hi Judith.”

“Hi Raph,” she said looking slightly embarrassed, “I’m sorry that I keep asking for things. I’m not meaning to be a bother but I don’t suppose you have two spare AA batteries, do you?”

“I’m not sure but I’ll have a look,” he said, “and you’re no bother.”

* * *

The doorbell rang and after quickly checking his appearance in the mirror Raph answered it. Sure enough it was Judith. She’d been calling more and more.

“Hi Judith,” Raph said smiling, “how can I help you?”

“Do you have any spare light bulbs?” she asked, “the one in my living room has gone out and I don’t have any to replace it with.”

“Sure, just wait a second,” he said. Raph ran to the kitchen and found the spare bulbs under the sink. He brought one back. “Do you want me to put it in for you?”

“Yes, please,” she said.

He followed her to her apartment and she showed him the faulty bulb. Raph turned off the switch, pulled a chair over and started unscrewing the broken bulb.

“You must think I’m useless,” Judith said, “I’m always asking you for things because I don’t plan ahead.”

“Don’t be silly,” Raph said, “you’ve only just moved here. It would take me months to get properly settled if I’d just moved – Can you pass me the new bulb?” she handed it to him and he started screwing it in. “Thanks.”

“Well you’ve been a big help and I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem. I’m just glad I can help,” he said letting go of the bulb, “you can try the switch now.” Judith flicked it and the room lit up. “Problem solved,” he said getting down and putting the chair back.

“Can I make you a coffee to say thank you?” she asked.

“I’d love one.”

“How do you like it?”

“Black, no sugar, please.”

“Make yourself comfortable,” she said and he sat down, “I’ll be back in a minute.” She hurried to the kitchen and put on the coffee maker.

Raph looked around and noticed for the first time that all the furniture looked brand new. Police work must have paid better than he’d thought or they must have furnished the place before she’d arrived as part of her move.

Judith came back with a mug of strong black coffee and passed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said, putting it down so it could cool. Judith sat down with a drink of her own and he asked her, “So how are you settling in with your new job?”

“So-so,” she said with a shrug, “I’m meant to be tracking down and finding out the motives of a small time re-offender but it’s not going very well so far.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Oh it’s not too bad,” she said, “the guy I’m chasing probably isn’t dangerous and I’ve met some lovely people since moving,” she smiled at him and Raph blushed.

They sat in silence for a while then Judith asked blushing slightly, “Raph? Do you… would you like to go out will me?”

Raph, who just taken a sip of his coffee, choked slightly, “What?”

“Would you like to go out with me?” she was blushing more and she said quickly, “it’s okay if you don’t want to. It’s just that I really like you and you’ve been so nice.”

“I’d love to.”

“Really?”

“Of course I would.”

* * *

Judith and Raph were walking hand in hand in the park. Raph couldn’t believe his luck. They’d been dating for a month. Judith was kind, clever and funny. He still couldn’t believe she was interested in a guy like him.

“This is too hard for me!” Judith said suddenly. He turned to her concerned. She had tears in her eyes.

“What’s the matter?” he asked worried.

“Oh Raph,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he asked his stomach dropping, “are you dumping me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” she said sniffing, “but once I tell you the truth, you’ll probably dump me.”

“I doubt it,” he said, giving her a hug. He led her over to a bench and they both sat down. “Now why don’t you tell me what’s wrong and we’ll see if we can fix it?”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes, “I’ve been lying to you, Raph. I don’t really work for the police, or at least not the ones in this time.”

“Oh,” he said sadly, as the penny dropped, “you’re one of those time police aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she said looking away, “I’m working for the Time Patrol. My job was to come back here and befriend you so that we could find out what the rogue time traveller is up to and try to protect you from him.”

“So you never really liked me then?” Raph asked dismayed.

“I do like you,” she said, “in fact, I think I love you and that’s the problem. I was never meant to actually care about you. You were just a civilian I was meant to be protecting, but you were so nice that I couldn’t help falling for you,” she stared crying again, “I know you’re going to hate me now, but I just couldn’t keep lying to you. You deserve so much better than that.”

“I don’t hate you,” he said quickly, “you were just doing your job. The question now is what do we do? Do you have to go back to your time now you’ve told me the truth?”

“No,” she said slowly, “not unless you want me to. I mean my cover is blown so I really should, but if I don’t tell anyone at the Time Patrol then I don’t need to.”

“So you can stay?”

“Yes.”

“Then stay,” he said hugging her, “I don’t want you to go.”

“Really?”

“Of course I don’t.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said melting into his hug, “technically, I’ll still live in my time. The only times I was in the apartment opposite yours was when you were there.”

“The Time Patrol can afford to do that?”

“They’re very rich and powerful,” she told him, “I’d be in a lot of trouble if they knew I’d told you the truth.”

“We’d best not let them find out them.”

“Mmm,” she said in agreement, then a little nervously she said, “there’s one more thing you have to know and I hope it doesn’t change how you feel about me.”

“What?”

“In the future, people don’t place as much emphasis on gender. I’m a female by birth but, instead of _she_ , I prefer the gender pronoun _zie_ and instead of being your _girlfriend_ I’d like to be called your _datemate_. It’s just a personal thing.”

“Sure,” Raph said, thinking he’d have to do a wiki search on non-binary genders when he got home. He knew a bit about them but not much. “Just tell me if I get it wrong.”

Zie hugged him tightly, “You’re the best.”

* * *

“It’s okay,” Raph said, “I’ll pay for yours.” He’d taken Judith out to dinner at a lovely little restaurant called Maharajah.

“Raph,” zie said smiling, “put your money away and let me pay. I have food allowances paid for by the Time Patrol.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind paying.”

“It doesn’t cost me anything,” Judith told me, “and if I don’t use it, it will just go to waste. Besides, I need to start making up for all the things I borrowed off you and for lying.”

“We’ve been over this,” he told zir, “you don’t have to make up for anything.”

“Maybe not, but I insist on paying.”

“Okay sweetie.”

Judith pulled out a credit card. Zie looked at it, zir brow creasing in confusion, and passed it to Raph, “You’ll have to use it. I don’t know how. The PIN is 4501.”

* * *

“How do you do that?” Judith asked curiously.

“Do what?”

“The… what’s it called? … the washing up?” zie was sat at the table while Raph stood at the sink, waiting for it to fill up with water.

“Don’t you know?” he asked curiously.

“No, in my time, nobody in France washes the dishes by hand,” zie said then added, “well, at least no one who lives in the important parts.”

Judith often said things like that but when he asked zir about it, zie’d say that zie couldn’t tell him or it could cause paradoxes so he just said, “Come here and I’ll show you.”

Zie got up and he showed her the washing up liquid, how to scrub the pots and then put them on the draining board.

“Can I try drying them?”

“If you want,” he said and fetched zir a tea towel.

He showed her how to wipe away the moisture and where to put each thing. Zie spent a few happy minutes drying cutlery before saying, “He’s got no plan, you know.”

“Who?”

“The time traveller who keeps bothering you,” zie said, “everything he’s told you is bullshit.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. He’d suspected as much but he wasn’t sure about how he felt now it had been confirmed.

“Did any of his so-called predictions ever actually happen?” Judith asked.

“No,” he said with a sigh, “not so far, but in the future…”

“I’m from the future,” zie interrupted, “and I’m telling you, it’s bullshit.”

“So he really is just doing it to ruin my life?” Raph asked, “he has the power of time travel and that’s all he does with it?”

“We see guys like him every day,” zie said sadly, “We call them FPs.”

“FPs?”

“Friendless People,” zie told him, “lonely people from different time zones who travel back to harass people because they have nothing better to do. He’s one of the worst cases we’ve ever seen.”

“That’s so sad,” Raph said. He couldn’t help feeling sorry for the Visitor now he knew the truth. After all he wouldn’t have met Judith if it hadn’t been for him. “What will you do if he comes back again?”

“Well, I _should_ catch him and take him back to my time so that he can be put in custody. That way he won’t be a danger to himself and he’ll leave you alone but if I do, I’ll be reassigned and I probably won’t be allowed to see you again.”

“In that case, just let him get away,” he told zir, “that way you’ll get to stay here. I’ll try and befriend him. That way he’ll stop annoying me and he won’t be so lonely.”

[Judith smiled at him, and blushed slightly as she murmured, “I’d like that.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voNxelgaj0w)


	16. Chapter Fifteen- The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph finally finds out why the Visitor has been targeting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to gentlemanlupin from tumblr for suggesting the apocalypse song at the end

“The readings from the time machine were weird,” Henry’s friend told him, “the Time Patrol seemed to be in the area or time, but they didn’t try to get any closer or catch me.”

“I expected as much,” Henry said with a sigh.

“You did?” he said surprised, “why didn’t you warn me?”

“Because I didn’t know for sure. Besides, if I was right then for once, they weren’t a direct danger to you.”

“But what were they doing and why?”

“I don’t know,” Henry admitted, “my best guess is that despite knowing who you’re targeting, for some reason they still don’t know why and they’re trying to find out.”

“How can they possibly _not_ know?” he asked confused, “I mean, why else would I be targeting Raph?”

“I don’t know,” Henry said again. It was clear from his voice that he wasn’t happy. “Do you have any idea how hard it is, trying to find out anything useful from the files I downloaded? Even the ones that aren’t encrypted all changed when you went back and that’s what’s going to happen every time you visit Raph. I watched them while you were there and they went crazy, shifting from one thing to another. They only stopped changing and became readable again once you’d come back. You might be travelling back over five centuries but things are still uncertain. Everything is in a state of flux. Every time you travel back, you are changing things.”

“That’s a good thing though,” his friend said, “it means I can still save this crappy version of a uni-… I mean, I can still change the past and save the world.”

“Maybe,” Henry said, “but it also means that it’s a nightmare for me to try and find a safe time for you to travel to. Once you travel back, the Time Patrol know about it from Raph’s diary but they don’t know that you’ll travel back until you do, because you’ve not decided when to go yet. When they know you’re going to visit a specific point in time, I know that they know and advise you to go to a slightly different point in the timelines. Each trip you make causes so many paradoxes that it hurts my head to think about them all.”

“Okay so it’s harder than ever to find a safe time to visit Raph?” his friend asked. His eyes had gone slightly glazed during Henry’s explanation and it was clear he hadn’t understood most of it.

“Yes,” Henry told him, “it’s _very_ hard. It will take me at least another week to try and account for all the paradoxes your next journey will cause.”

“A week!?” he moaned.

Henry closed his eyes and rubbed his temples trying to get rid of the migraine he could feel coming on.

“At least a week before you can visit Raph again,” he repeated, “but as far as I can tell from the files, so long as you don’t go to Paris during the teenies, any other journeys should be relatively safe. If you want to go on a shopping trip, you can but to be on the safe side, please only visit times before the internet was invented.”

“Yay! How about I go to ancient Rome for some pizza?”

“Fine, but I swear to god; if you materialise in the colosseum during a gladiator fight _again_ , you’re on your own,” Henry tried to keep a straight face but it only lasted a moment before they were both laughing at the memory of that particular misadventure.

“I really thought I was in the clear when the Emperor put his thumb up[1],” his friend said.

* * *

“Okay, I _think_ you should be safe-ish if you travel back to 12 th September 2014,” Henry told him.

“Safe-ish?”

“Ideally, I’d be much happier if you never travelled back to that time period again,” Henry said and his friend pulled a face, “but I know that’s not going to happen. Safe-ish is the best I can do any more.”

“Good enough for me.”

“Watch out for the Time Patrol,” he warned, “there is a very high possibility that one of their officers will be in that time and area.”

“They’re always on my tail.”

“Yes, but they’ll probably be watching.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be careful,” his friend said. He pressed a few buttons and disappeared.

* * *

The Visitor stepped out of thin air, into Raph’s living room and his time machine immediately started beeping. After a quick glance around he saw Raph wasn’t there and he thought about going back to his own time to tell Henry that he’d been right about the Time Patrol. However, he knew he’d only end up waiting more time for Henry to do calculations and he probably wouldn’t be any safer next time anyway.

He turned the beeping off just as he heard a sound from the kitchen. He cautiously stuck his head around the door and saw Raph setting the table. Raph hadn’t seen him. He looked at his time machine and a little flashing light told him the Time Patrol was closing in. His stomach lurched but he forced himself to stay and he stepped into the room.

Raph turned and almost fell over in surprise when he saw the Visitor standing so close.

“Raph, the Time Patrol is after me. Please, help me,” he told him truthfully. It was then that he noticed how much cleaner Raph’s apartment looked. He’d even put a vase of flowers in the middle of the table, which had been set for two. “Well, well, somebody’s been cleaning…”

“This is a bad time,” Raph told him, without the anger and frustration his voice normally held whenever the Visitor turned up, “worse than usual.”

“You’ve got someone coming over?” he asked, the Time Patrol momentarily forgotten.

“Yes, my datemate,” Raph said. Judith was due any minute. If zie hadn’t been, Raph would have sat the Visitor down and tried to sort things out with him.

“You have a datemate!” the Visitor said impressed, “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I do _try_ to have a life in between your visits,” Raph said dryly.

“Is it Stella?”

“No, you know what happened last time I tried to ask her out,” the Visitor had the good grace to look a little ashamed. Raph supposed he’d better explain things. “Zie’s my neighbour…” he started to say when they both heard the apartment’s door open. “Zie’s coming. Just hide in here and be quiet!” he said, panicking and pushing the Visitor into a cupboard.

“Of course, shush-shush,” the Visitor said conspiratorially.

Raph closed the door and the Visitor sat down on an upturned bucket to wait. Through the door he heard Raph say, “Oh great! You got the food.”

“They were out of chicken curry,” said a voice the Visitor recognised and he froze, “so I got sweet and sour chicken instead.”

The Visitor got up and quietly opened the door a crack. He peeked though and saw the Time Officer who’d interviewed him. Zie was even wearing the same dress zie’d worn when zie’d tried to convince him he was mad!

He closed the door and started fiddling with his time machine.

“That’s fine,” Raph said, “I’m getting a bit sick of curry anyway.” He heard the sound of the Visitor’s time machine from the cupboard and turned.

“What’s wrong?” Judith asked.

“No, I thought…,” he started to say, but as he turned back he saw the Visitor sneaking up behind Judith, holding a chair above his head. Panicked he yelled, “Behind you, sweetie!”

Zie turned and the Visitor stumbled back in fear. He hit a cabinet and fell over.

“Zie’s a spy!” he yelled from the floor, “zie works for the Time Patrol.”

“I know, I know,” Raph said quickly trying to calm him down. He wished he’d explained things while he had the chance. He sighed. “Look, maybe you should take a seat.”

Judith went to help the Visitor up but he flinched away. “I’m not here to catch you,” zie said but it was clear he didn’t believe zir.

“Just give us five minutes to explain,” Raph said.

The Visitor’s hand went to his time machine but then he stopped. Zie wasn’t dragging him away and, despite his fear, he wanted to know what zie’d told Raph to make him trust zir. He knew that if Henry had been there, he would be screaming at him to leave, but he still had a world to save one way or another.

“Five minutes and then I’m leaving,” he said, “I’m not going to be a prisoner again.”

He got up, his hand still on his time machine in case Judith tried to grab him. The three of them went into the living room, the Visitor staying as far away from Judith as possible.

“Take a seat,” Raph said. The Visitor sat on the sofa while Judith and Raph stood awkwardly in front of him. “Okay, so where to start? A few weeks ago Judith came by pretending to be my new neighbour and zie came back several times. That’s how we started dating.”

“When you gave me up to the Time Patrol, Judith pretended zie was dating me too so that zie could find out about my plan.”

“You did?” Raph asked Judith surprised.

“For about five minutes, yes, but it was just a job,” Judith said embarrassed. Zie turned to the Visitor and said, “The point is; pretending to date Raph was too hard for me. I came clean and told him that I was on an undercover mission for the Time Patrol.”

“But that zie fell in love with me,” Raph said smiling at zir.

“You’re such a sucker, Raph,” the Visitor said. Despite his words, he couldn’t really blame Raph for falling for zir lies. After all, zie’d almost fooled him and he’d been expecting it. “It’s a ploy to find out about my plan.”

“Speaking of which, we talked about your ‘ _plan_ ,’” Raph said, making quotation marks with his fingers, “apparently, you’re an FP but it’s okay. Now that I understand, I don’t resent you.”

“I am **not** a Friendless Person!” he said offended.

“Of course you are,” Judith said, “but you don’t have to be anymore. I’ve promised Raph, I’ll stop chasing you but I’d let the Time Patrol think I’m still on your trail. That way I can keep dating Raph. After all, you’re harmless.”

“But feel free to come over for coffee and hang out,” Raph said and the Visitor couldn’t help feeling slightly touched. Raph seemed to be making a real effort to be nice to him, even though he’d been annoying him for months.

“If you drink too much coffee, here’s what’s going to happen,” Judith told Raph, “you’ll be addicted and have a heart attack at 45.”

“Okay, pumpkin,” Raph said smiling at zir, and to the Visitor he said, “zie’s always right.”

“That’s a good one!” the Visitor said in frustration, “you think I’m just some friendless hobo from the future? I have friends… well, one friend.”

“And I’m sure he’s just thrilled to do anything you suggest,” Judith said, giving him what he considered to be a very nasty smile when Raph wasn’t looking, “but having a programmable _friend_ , who agrees with everything you say probably gets a little dull after a while so you decided to harass Raph for a bit of fun.”

“You really are a royal fuck-face, aren’t you?”

“Hey! Don’t talk to zir like that! We’re both making an effort here.”

“Can’t you see, zie’s using you?” he said desperately.

“I’m not using Raph,” Judith said, a quaver in zir voice, “I love him.”

“Just stop trying to ruin my life and we can all be friends.”

“All I’m trying to do is to prevent you from creating the Time Patrol!” the Visitor yelled. Everyone froze and the room went completely silent for a moment. Then the Visitor clapped a hand over his mouth, horror struck, “Shitshitshitshit I fucked up.”

Judith reached into zir pocket and pressed a button. A second later the illusion fell away and zie was wearing zir Time Patrol uniform. In a businesslike voice zie said, “The Time Patrol thank you for that information.”

Raph was still frozen, not knowing what to think or do, as Judith walked away. Zie pressed a button on zir own time machine and disappeared. Raph unfroze and called after her, his voice full of hurt and betrayal, “Sweetie…?”

[The Visitor was still sat there swearing to himself.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9vOwc-6t-8)

* * *

 

 

[1] Unlike in movies, if the Emperor put his thumb up after a gladiator fight it meant that loser was to be killed, not allowed to live.


	17. Chapter Sixteen: Menteur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry isn’t happy with his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to gentlemanlupin from tumblr for suggesting the apocalypse song at the end.

When the time traveller materialised back in the lab, one look at Henry’s face told him that he was in trouble. Henry’s arms were crossed and his face was thunderous. He could see the computer behind Henry and the screen was showing one of the Time Patrol’s files.

“C'est,” Henry said slowly, his voice dangerously low, “quoi ce bordel[1] were you thinking?”

“I didn’t mean to tell zir but I’m sure I can fix this. I just…” he started to say but Henry interrupted him.

“I mean,” Henry yelled and his friend flinched, “why didn’t you get out of there the moment a Time Officer walked through the door! Telling zir the truth was just piling more stupid on the already huge mountain of dumb. What part of ‘be careful’ didn’t you understand? Do you have a death wish?”

“No, I just…” he trailed off under Henry’s glare, “um… I just wanted to know what zie’d told Raph to make him trust zir. I thought maybe I could turn Raph against the Time Patrol. He wouldn’t want to found them if he didn’t like them. You _did_ say that they probably weren’t a direct threat to me for once.”

“I didn’t say you should stick around to have a conversation with them if an Officer walked through the door!”

“I made a mistake, okay?” he said, starting to get defensive, “So what if they know what we’re trying to do? It’s not like we’re really that much worse off.”

“You’re not listening!” Henry shouted, “I’m pissed at you for taking unnecessary fucking risks! But since you mention it, yes we are worse off. They’d already managed to outthink me before they knew what you were trying to do. Now that they do know, they’ll do anything to protect the timeline.”

“But you will find a way, won’t you?” he asked worried.

“Of course I’ll find a way eventually. I’m a genius,” Henry said, “however, it will take time and I’m not sure that I want to make the effort.”

“What?”

“Well, if you’re just going to get yourself killed what’s the point? I’m starting to think keeping you here – with the acid rain, eradiated ground, zombies, genetically mutated animals, crazy cults, hooded figures who don’t want you to look at their dog park, not to mention the incompetent monarchy and their corrupt royal guards – will give you a longer life than letting you travel in time.”

“You’re one to talk! You teleported into the Time Patrol’s old headquarters!”

“This isn’t a competition but you’ve done far more stupid things than me and, unlike me, you keep doing them.”

“You know what? Fuck this,” his friend said. He strode forward, grabbed Henry’s left arm, pulled the sleeve down and pushed his arm in front of his face.

Henry was still seething and took a moment to focus, but when he did, his eyes widened in shock, “What the f….” he collapsed.

“Sorry, Henry,” he told the seemingly lifeless scientist, “but you’d have forgiven me in the end anyway and this just speeds things up.”

* * *

Henry woke with a start. It had been a week since his friend had come back from telling the Time Patrol that Raph was responsible for their creation. Henry was still annoyed at his friend’s stupidity but he’d finally calmed down a bit. His friend was hardly the brightest spark but he always meant well.

With a sigh, Henry sat up deciding that he’d take a look at the Time Patrol’s files again. They were trying to save the world, and his anger and frustration weren’t as important as that.

He went over to the computer and brought up the files.

“Am I forgiven?” Henry jumped slightly. He hadn’t realised that his friend was awake.

“I’m still pissed at you,” he said, not turning round.

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Henry could hear the smile in his friend’s voice and he grimaced.

“Forgiven is a strong word,” he said, “let’s just say I’m willing to help again, okay?”

“I really am sorry and thank you, Henry,” his friend said. Henry heard him walk over and a moment later a beer can was placed next to his keyboard. Henry ignored it but smiled slightly despite himself when his friend said, “You’re the best.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

* * *

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding!” Henry said, kicking the computer in disbelief and frustration.

“Huh? What?” he friend asked groggily, sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Nothing,” Henry said quickly, “go back to sleep.”

“You’re hiding something,” he said stifling a yawn, “you answered too quickly.”

“No I didn’t. It’s nothing important. The computer flies are just being problematic, that’s all.”

“ _Menteur, menteur, t'es qu'un sale menteur_[2],” he sang.

“You are so childish.”

His friend stuck out his tongue.

“I hate you,” Henry said, his voice deadpan.

“No you don’t,” his friend laughed.

“Alright, no I don’t,” Henry admitted with a smile, “but I’m trying.”

“So what were you yelling about?” he asked, getting up and coming over. He was still fully dressed from the night before. He’d fallen asleep at the table (again) and Henry had put him to bed.

“You’re not letting this go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“I know when you can travel back to,” Henry said with a sigh, “but I don’t like it. However, if it works we’ll be the ones who get one over on the Time Patrol, instead of the other way around for once.”

“Sounds perfect,” he said, “so why don’t you like it?”

“Because they’ll be there again,” Henry told him, “but I don’t think they’re trying to catch you.”

“What do they want then?” he asked confused.

“Apparently, the Time Patrol still doesn’t know how Raph is connected to their creation. The Time Officer who got you to admit what you were doing,” Henry shot him a glare and his friend blanched slightly, “is going to use a hologram projector and project zirself into Raph’s brain. Zie’s going to wait for you to turn up and then listen while you tell Raph about how he’s going to create the Time Patrol.”

“But I don’t know exactly how he did it.”

“No, but the Time Patrol think you do and that’s how you can got one over on them.”

His friend started to grin as understanding dawned, “That’s brilliant. This is going to be so much fun!”

“No, I don’t want you going,” Henry said, “the last time you were in a room with zir you should have left immediately but instead you told zir everything.”

“Oh come on, Henry!” he said, “how many times do I have to say that I’m sorry? Besides, this time both of us know what to expect and you don’t think zie’s trying to catch me, just get information.”

“I could be wrong. This could be a trap.”

“So could everything at this point,” his friend said and Henry rolled his eyes. Why did his friend always get so logical at the wrong times? “Everything I do is dangerous but you know I’m not going to stop.”

“Then why do I even care when you run into danger, no matter what I say?”

“Because you know I do listen to you a bit, and I’d have died by now if it wasn’t for you.”

“Fine!” Henry said, giving in. He knew he’d never win this one. His friend was grinning again and Henry grit his teeth. “But if you get yourself killed, then you’ve no one to blame but yourself. The date is 27th September in Raph’s apartment at 7:17pm.”

“Thanks Henry,” he said, and then a thoughtful expression crossed his face, “didn’t you find one of those hologram projectors at the Time Patrol’s headquarters?”

“Yes, why?” Henry said, slightly surprised that his friend hadn’t disappeared already.

“Because I’ve just thought of a use for it,” he said, his grin even wider than normal, [“I’m going to need some packets of cigarettes.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StJLvbPIvTw)

 

* * *

[1] ‘C'est quoi ce bordel?’ is French for ‘What the hell?’

[2] ‘Menteur, menteur, t'es qu'un sale menteur,’ is the French version of, ‘liar, liar, pants on fire.’


End file.
